


Addicted to you

by letsjustfckngo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Addiction, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Bottom Byun Baekhyun, Dom/sub Undertones, Learning Disabilities, Light BDSM, M/M, Mentions of addiction, Mentions of alcoholism, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Top Oh Sehun, mentions of problematic relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:48:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28964898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letsjustfckngo/pseuds/letsjustfckngo
Summary: Group therapy isn't really what they say it is. Just a bunch of people talking about their problems, thinking that Sehun has problems of his own as well. He doesn't like being asked to share his story, or thinking about whatever it was that had the court sent him here in the first place. In fact, he is fine. He doesn't want to talk, and he most definitely doesn't want to get 'better'.Luckily he doesn't seem to be the only one who feels that way...---Or: Sehun and Baekhyun are two troubled souls who find solace in each other instead of therapy.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Oh Sehun, Oh Sehun & Park Chanyeol
Comments: 10
Kudos: 32
Collections: Top Sehun Fest Round 1





	1. Addiction

**Author's Note:**

> This story became much longer than I expected! Sorry to the prompter for changing some things in the prompt. This story simply took a hold of itself at some point! 
> 
> Either way, I still hope that everyone will enjoy this. Thank you so much in advance for reading!

Even though Sehun had been supposed to repeat her name after her only a few minutes ago, he could no longer remember who the woman speaking was. She was crying, though, and as she cried, Sehun found it incredibly hard to focus on anything besides the woman’s earrings. They looked identical, but after a few seconds of blatant staring, he had discovered that that wasn’t quite true. One of them was just a little bit more blue than it was turquoise, which made Sehun think that she had probably lost one, and then replaced it with one of the wrong shade of blue. He made a mental note to tell her about that later, but only because he wondered whether it would make her cry again. That was, of course — and only _if_ — she would ever stop crying in the first place.

He wasn’t paying attention to what she was saying either. Something about a son or a daughter, he’d picked up, and how she had ruined their life in one way or another, but he couldn’t remember the details. Probably because of alcohol, or drugs, or some other type of addiction, because wasn’t that why they were all here?

Sehun couldn’t properly remember the details of _any_ of the stories that had been shared that night, or any other night for that matter. He’d barely looked up from his fingernails, which he absentmindedly played with as he waited for the time to come to an end. This entire thing reminded him of school, and, _honestly_ , he would’ve preferred not to ever think about school again. He didn’t like being reminded of boring things and having to listen to things he either didn’t understand, or had no interest in.

“I think you should know they’re probably going to ask you to share next.”

Sehun’s eyes shot to the side to eye the guy sitting next to him in the circle. He was leaning towards Sehun a little bit. One of his legs was folded over the other and his arms were crossed. Sehun’s eyes ran over his skinny arms, which were covered in goosebumps. Well, Sehun wasn’t surprised. After all, _who in the fucking world_ wore nothing but a shirt while winter was approaching? Was the guy just showing off, perhaps? He was kind of cute, after all.

“Prepared?”

“Yes,” Sehun said, his eyes moving back to his fingernails again. “Of course I’m prepared.” And he was. He would say the same thing he always said, while forcing a smile on his face that would hopefully make the guy leading this therapy session feel like a total idiot. “Aren’t you?”

“Hm. I don’t know yet.”

That made sense because the cute guy, whose name tag was now covered by his crossed arms, had never shared anything either. Sehun was pretty sure he would’ve remembered, as his voice had a lyrical twang to it. Sehun might even have listened to a story or two, if this guy would’ve been the one telling them.

Sehun didn’t really get the chance to respond, though, and was instead forced to look at their annoyingly friendly leading man, standing right behind the crying woman. Sehun didn’t understand why he always looked like that, like the story he had just listened to was a fairytale rather than a sad truth about somebody else’s life. “Thanks for sharing, Hyeona,” he spoke. He placed his hand on the woman’s shoulder, after which she only started to cry harder.

Everyone in the circle repeated it like a mantra: _“Thank you for sharing, Hyeona.”_

Or, well, everyone besides Sehun, of course, because he had quickly grown to loathe this kind of thing. He didn’t understand the custom, nor the crazy, almost cult-like routine he was meant to engage in. He didn’t even really understand why he was here, or what he was meant to say. How could he talk about something that he didn’t even remember?

And _if_ he remembered, why would he choose to share it with a roomful of strangers rather than — _oh, I don’t know —_ his friends?

But, alas, just like the cute stranger next to him had predicted, their friendly _cult-leader_ cleared his throat, and then asked: “Sehun, why won’t you tell us why you came here to be with us today?”

He took a deep breath, eyes closing for a brief second, and then sighed.

  
“Here we go…” The cute guy next to him announced, after which he sat back in his seat, pursed his lips and waited patiently.

It annoyed Sehun so much that, for the first time in the five sessions he had attended, he would tell the room something different than the usual: _“I came here because I have to be here. However, I have nothing to share with any of you, so now please move on to someone who wants to talk.”_

“Okay, yeah,” he said, shrugging. “I guess there’s something…”

All eyes were on him. Some of them looked down at their hands, like Sehun had just done, but most of them looked at him with curiosity in their eyes. After all, Sehun had never shared anything with them and had, instead, always just _sat_ there with a look of pure contempt in his eyes. Not instantly, of course, but during the second half of his first time here, when he’d come to realise that he was going to have to talk about some personal stuff that he didn’t want to talk about, all his will to cooperate had disappeared. It made him wonder whether he could choose for a prison sentence instead, even though his probation officer had made it more than clear that prison was far from what it looked like in the TV-shows and movies, and that Sehun was probably not some unbeatable badass who would be able to rip all those other badasses a new one.

Sehun still wasn’t sure whether he agreed with that and, as he stood in the mirror and flexed his muscles at himself just to regain some confidence in his physical abilities, he decided that he would look pretty good in orange.

“Sehun? Are you okay?” The cult-leader stood there smiling at him. He didn’t like being talked to like that by this man. It made him feel like a fragile baby, and it wasn’t comforting when he did it. His words just sounded condescending. “It’s okay. Take your time.”

“I don’t need time,” Sehun snapped. “Why would I need time?”

The man nodded, though didn’t look the slightest bit uncomfortable. “What was it you were going to talk about, then?”

Sehun shrugged, already having changed his mind. “I don’t know what you want me to talk about.”

The nodding persisted. Sehun had no idea why he had to do that. It just made him look stupid. “Well, you could start by explaining why you ended up here with us. You must have gone through something dark that you aren’t very proud of. That is okay, of course — no judgement here; everyone makes mistakes — but it might help to rid yourself off some of the burden. Sharing, _acknowledgement_ , if you will, is always the first step to overcoming past traumas.”

“I don’t have any traumas,” Sehun countered. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Well,” he started again. Sehun hated that too. All that _well, well, well_. It sounded like he was trying to sound smart, while trying to make Sehun feel stupid. Not that he was succeeding; Sehun didn’t have the ability to feel bad about himself. “How about you state it simply, then? Why did you come here.” He shook his head. “Why were you _sent_ here? What event led to your court hearing?”

Sehun was silent. He imagined having the ability to shoot lasers from his eyes to slash a diagonal line right through the man’s torso. His upper body would slide from the rest, after which he’d fall through his knees and the two pieces of body would be rendered motionless. Sehun would never have to come back here again.

Hm, he had way too much time on his hands and he’d watched way, way, _way_ too many movies lately.

“Is it drugs or alcohol?” The cute guy spoke up, finally making his voice audible to the rest of the room. “That’s always the thing, isn’t it? Drugs or alcohol?”

“Baekhyun…” The man shook his head at him, “Allow Sehun the opportunity to let it all out on his own terms—”

“You don’t seem like the type to take drugs, so is it alcohol?”

“Baekhyun!” The guy tried again. “We should try to remain respectful.”

“He’s not going to talk all by himself. Why not ask him questions? It’s much better for him to just get it over with, so he doesn’t have to stick around here any longer than he has to.”

Sehun saw some sense in that, making him nod as he looked in the cute guy’s — _Baekhyun’s_ — direction. “It is alcohol. It _was_ alcohol. They say I’m not allowed to drink anymore. They had me drain all of it down the sink.” And that had been such a waste that doing it had almost been painful. His officer hadn’t even allowed him to give it away to his friends, just in case Sehun would ask them to hold on to it for him. “I’m bored all the time now.”

Their cult-leader sighed with relief, evidently pleased that something had managed to come out of Sehun’s mouth. “Getting rid of those addictions gets much easier when you find something to distract yourself with. Many of us here have recently taken on a new hobby, just to help them pass the time. Wouldn’t you give that some thought? There are _many_ things you can do instead of drinking, all of which will be better for you than drowning your sorrows with alcohol.”

Sehun raised his eyebrow and said nothing. He didn’t even acknowledge that the man had said anything at all. Instead, he eyed Baekhyun again, just to see what he would have to say about this. He’d grown more interested in him now, after all. “You could always take drugs, I suppose,” Baekhyun shrugged, expression blank. “Some would say that’s even better than alcohol. Wouldn’t you, Kyuwon?”

“That’s enough, Baekhyun!” The cult-leader — who was indeed called Kyuwon, now that Sehun thought about it — squeezed his eyes shut. He was evidently counting to ten, which was a method he’d taught all the people in his therapy session as well. Sehun had never once used it, but took pleasure in seeing their torturer being in need for it. “Please, _please_ be a little more respectful. I’ll have to tell your probation officer about it if you don’t start doing that now.”

Baekhyun shrugged at the threat, eyed the clock against the wall and got up from his seat. He looked entirely unfazed by all of it. “Do whatever you want. It’s eight o’clock now, though, so if you’ll excuse me; I’m going to do whatever _I_ want now too.”

The room was entirely silent for a moment, but then everyone came to the same realisation: that their session was over. Then the group quickly scattered, scurried over to the coat pegs to collect their stuff and made their way out of the door. Before Kyuwon could approach Sehun, probably to tell him something he didn’t want to hear, Sehun got up and hurried towards the door, ignoring the ’ _Sehun!’_ that was shouted after him.

He didn’t want to talk to the guy and, besides, he had someone more important to get a hold of.

“Baekhyun,” he shouted. His legs being much longer, Sehun caught up with him in only a matter of seconds. He took a firm hold of the shorter man’s upper arm then. “Baekhyun.”

“What is it?” Baekhyun was glaring at him, but since Sehun didn’t really understand why he was doing that, he decided to ignore it. “Did you come to ask me out? Despite your awful behaviour, I was hoping you would; it’s been a while since someone did something like that.”

“Oh,” Sehun said. He hadn’t even thought about the reason he was chasing after this guy just yet. “I suppose that was my plan. Do you want to go for a—”

“A drink?” Baekhyun asked, a sarcastic smirk appearing on his face. Sehun might not have recognised it for what it was, but the expression was almost scrutinising. “Sure, but I’ll have to take you back to mine, if that’s okay.” With his right hand, he lifted the leg of his trouser up a little, revealing a black ankle band with a device attached to it. They’d threatened to attach it to Sehun’s ankle too, but his attorney had saved him from ending up under house arrest.

If he’d violate his probation, however, that would surely change.

“A drink, yeah,” Sehun heard himself saying, temptation quickly taking over and making him forget all about the risk he was about to take. “That sounds good.”

***

The two of them had still been in school when they’d met.

Sehun was two years younger, which his mother had told him was probably the reason he had ended up the way he had. He’d been too easily influenced as a fourteen-year-old, causing him to do practically everything that Chanyeol also did at the time. To Sehun, that had never seemed like something that Chanyeol had forced upon him, though, and, _actually_ , Chanyeol had always been the only one to treat Sehun like an equal, rather than the slow learner that all his classmates took him for. That had always made Sehun look up to him, and soon enough he’d felt that _being like Chanyeol_ was probably the one thing he should be aiming for at the time.

Looking back at it all now, Sehun wondered whether Chanyeol ever even knew that Sehun was different and more susceptible than someone Chanyeol’s own age had been. Probably not, because how could something like that be expected of a sixteen-year-old?

Chanyeol had just been a teenager, doing his teenager things in his teenager ways. He’d allowed Sehun to come on that journey with him and, soon enough, the two of them had found themselves going to the ’wildest’ of parties, making them feel so cool that it’d felt like they were on top of it all, with the rest of the entire world at their feet.

“Do you want to try?” He’d asked, holding a flask out in his direction. “It’s kind of strong.”

Chanyeol’s cheeks had been rosy pink, which Sehun only realised later was because of the alcohol he’d already consumed. Sehun took it in his hand without thinking. He’d always wanted to hold a flask like that, and _actually_ holding it made him feel like a movie star. When he took a sip, his throat felt like it had caught fire, but not even that was enough to pull him out of the fantasy. The people in the movies often pulled those faces too, after all, which usually meant that whatever was in the flask was _some good shit_.

The only things that were still missing to complete his sixties, American fantasy were a cigar, a trilby and a perfectly tailored brown-ish suit.

“That’s some good shit,” Sehun therefore said, making the group of teenagers and young adults around them giggle like they had never heard anything funnier.

The laughter had all sorts of bodies roll into each other, laughing hysterically at what this literal child had just uttered out. Sehun took no offence to it, and instead simply continued to sip from the flask as though it belonged to him.

That first night of drunkenness wasn’t one he really remembered anymore. Among an ocean of many nights exactly like it, this one barely stood out. The only reason why it stuck with him at all was, perhaps, because it was the very first time he had gotten a taste of what the rest of his life was going to look like.

Strangely enough, Sehun still couldn’t say that he really regretted it at all.

***

“How come you’re allowed to have drinks?” Sehun asked. He followed Baekhyun’s lead in throwing his jacket on the kitchen table and taking a seat on his sketchy, ripped up sofa. “Didn’t they make you get rid of them too?”

Baekhyun didn’t say anything. Sehun had never been particularly good at reading expressions, and therefore Baekhyun’s overall mood remained a complete mystery to him. At parts, he had appeared amused, but then Sehun’s answers had made him angry, until he seemed almost happy that Sehun had chased after him. Or hadn’t he? Had Sehun just imagined it all again, perhaps?

“Is that because of your ankle band?” Sehun asked, urging on. He leaned over a little, and saw its green little light glowing through the fabric of Baekhyun’s trousers. “If I’d known that you could keep the drinks if you got on house arrest, I might have asked for it.”

Baekhyun snorted. He sounded amused, but his expression didn’t display any such thing. “You’re not serious, are you?” He asked. “You don’t actually think that I’d _actually_ take you home to have a drink. If I understand the rules correctly, even a drop of it could send you straight to rehab.”

“Oh.” Sehun felt undeniably disappointed. On their walk and bus ride back to Baekhyun’s apartment, Sehun hadn’t been able to think of anything else. How long had it been since he’d been able to feel it? Way too long. “I guess so.”

“You really are an addict, aren’t you? A real one, I mean?”

Once again, Sehun shrugged. “I guess so.” There were a handful of people who had called him that already. He had denied it at first, to the first few people who had attributed him with that word, but the bigger the amount of people grew, the harder it became to think about alcohol without also thinking about how dependent he was on it. Some nights, he could cry because he missed it so much. Or was it that he could cry just because he couldn’t forget about all the other things he had started missing. “Why do you care?”

“I _don’t_ care,” Baekhyun responded bitterly again, making Sehun wonder whether the guy had some sort of mood disorder.

“Then why are you angry at me?”

“Sorry, no. I’m not. It looks like that sometimes, I know.” It was then that Baekhyun brought his hands together and started fidgeting, playing obsessively with his fingers. The muscles in his face relaxed, expression softening entirely. Looking like this, Sehun thought that he looked a bit like a lost puppy. It was kind of scary, because it made him look so much less human, but also kind of cute. _Ah_ , Baekhyun really was cute, wasn’t he? “But, listen, there’s something else I want from you. I’ve found that it helps. Quite a bit, actually, and actually, when I saw you, I thought that maybe you might be up for it, so I’m glad you came after me, because now I can ask you.”

Baekhyun had been speaking fast, so by the end of his sentence, he was completely out of breath. Sehun wasn’t sure what it meant, but it reminded him of what he felt like sometimes at night, when all he could think about was how good it would feel for his throat to be burning and for his mind to go all fuzzy. “What does it help for?” If it would only take a little bit of the craving away, he would say yes right away. “The alcohol?”

“Alcohol. Yes. Right.” Baekhyun shut his eyes, inhaled deeply, but then his exhale came out rather shakily. “I’ve found that if I do this — this _thing_ — I won’t think about drinking as much. And, you know, it’s not dangerous or damaging. It won’t get you in trouble in the way alcohol would. So, yeah, I’ve got something much better for you now. If you want it.”

“Yes.” Sehun didn’t even have to hesitate. “What is it? I don’t like to smoke anymore, really, so I hope it’s not that. I also don’t like the weed stuff; you just get tired and hungry. So, like, it better be good?”

Baekhyun shot up from the sofa and stood in front of Sehun. His hands were shaking, teeth digging firmly into his bottom lip until, suddenly, he sunk through his knees and spread Sehun’s legs apart to get in between them. He pressed his hands down on Sehun’s crotch, rubbing him firmly and, although Sehun had not seen this coming at all, it felt undeniably... _good_.

“You’ll like it, alright? I swear you won’t be thinking about drinking anymore. Are you into guys— boys? Are you used to them?” At this point, though, it was like Baekhyun wasn’t talking to Sehun anymore, but to his cock. It sent a shock of thrill through his body, heat collecting itself in the pit of his stomach and then shooting straight down between his legs, hardening his cock; thickening his erection. “Fucking them, I mean? I swear it’s not that different, really. You could close your eyes and you wouldn’t even feel the difference. Maybe it’ll even be better. I’ve got the same parts, kind of, you see? I know what to do with them…”

“No, I am.” Sehun spoke when Baekhyun was too out of breath to continue speaking anyway. “I am into guys. Mostly, I think. I guess it doesn’t matter much to me.”

“Oh, okay,” Baekhyun nodded. “Good… Good…”

He waited for a moment, looked up at Sehun, but then looked down again before they could properly make any eye-contact. Sehun noticed that the other boy was breathing heavily, his chest heaving and his hands shaking a little when they began toying with the button and zipper of Sehun’s jeans. He was so frantic that he almost couldn’t get it undone, but then he aggressively yanked at it. His teeth were suddenly gritted, and the noise that escaped his throat sounded almost whiny. This was far from what Sehun had expected to happen before he’d come here, but, then again, he couldn’t deny that he still felt somewhat disappointed. After all, he’d been promised a drink, and it’d been too long since he’d last had one. He could feel his hands starting to tremble as well, his heart rate speeding up. That was something that happened when he really wanted something; when he knew for a fact he wasn’t going to get it anytime soon. In fact, like his probation officer had told him, there may never be a time he could have it again, no matter how badly he needed it.

He felt so deeply desperate that he could cry. If he wouldn’t feel the hot, burning liquid streaming down his throat within the next few minutes, he was certain that he would actually die.

“Fuck,” Baekhyun hissed, eyes fixated on Sehun’s crotch. Until then, Sehun hadn’t even noticed that Baekhyun had pulled his cock out. “You’re huge.”

“Oh,” Sehun muttered. “Yeah, I guess.”

This wasn’t the first time this had been said to him. Despite the misery he felt welling up within him, it sent another shock of thrill through his body, making his pain a little less prominent as his cock happily throbbed to accept the compliment. “Just relax,” Baekhyun ordered. “It’ll be better than whatever drink you’re imagining now.”

“Yeah.” Sehun doubted it. Not because he didn’t enjoy sex, of course — he _loved_ sex — but there was nothing quite as nice as fucking someone when he was absolutely shitfaced, near the point of passing out on top of them. He knew many people who disagreed with him on that, but he didn’t. It did something for his stamina, making him able to keep going and going and going. Whether the numbness of the alcohol would be able to make him come or not didn’t even matter to him at this point. “Sure—”

When he closed the distance between them, Baekhyun practically attacked his cock, sucking it into his mouth with urgency. His tongue pressed against the tip within seconds, dipping into his slit and needily licking the wet layer of pre-cum off his skin. Sehun’s eyes slipped shut for a good few seconds, the tingly sensation momentarily numbing his mind a little. Baekhyun, on the other hand, was already moaning, sending vibrations right through Sehun’s sensitive skin as his eyes slipped shut as well. It seemed like he had been dying for this for days. Now that he was finally doing it, everything else in the room slipped out of his mind.

Sehun breathed in deeply, followed Baekhyun’s lead in keeping his eyes closed, and fully focussed on what was happening inside of him. His body boiled hot, as his hand shot to the back of Baekhyun’s head. He threaded his fingers through the strands. Lightly, at first, until Baekhyun’s sucking and bobbing became so sickeningly good that he had no choice but to tighten his grip and thrust upwards. His heart rate had sped up, the sensation becoming so good that all those longing thoughts left his mind. Suddenly he wasn’t thinking about what it would feel like to brush his fingers against the rim of a tumbler, a bottle of beer, a glass of wine, or basically anything else that would help him feel a little lighter.

He, of course, wasn’t thinking about Baekhyun either. How could he, when Sehun hardly even knew him? He was just the person who delivered it to him. It could basically have been anyone, and hadn’t Baekhyun said he would help him? They weren’t here for the romance, were they? This was just sex. Just sex to help him forget that there was something else that he needed way, way more.

“You’re so fucking big,” Baekhyun muttered. “Jesus Christ.”

Before Sehun could answer at all, Baekhyun’s mouth was back on him again. He groaned as he looked at him, noticing the urgency in his eyes. He recognised that look somewhere, causing the grip around his hair to loosen a little and treat him a little more gently. Not that he wanted to, of course, but it somehow felt like he had to.

“No, go on,” Baekhyun then hissed. “Treat me roughly. I want it. You don’t have to just sit there and take it. You can fuck my mouth. You know, I like that. And it’s good, you know. It’s better than— I promis—”

Sehun didn’t need to be told twice and instantly pushed him back down. Baekhyun had been rambling and speaking nervously, which was also something that he recognised somewhere. He knew what it was like to be told no when there was simply something he _really_ needed. Baekhyun seemed to need this, so who was Sehun to deny him that? It’d feel cruel not to.

Besides, he was enjoying this. Something within him was coming loose and he was beginning to gain understanding somewhere. He hadn’t understood anything for so long, but this — this _sex_ — was something he easily understood. He always had. It was one of the few things he could do without thinking about it. He was good at it. His cock had a decent, preferable size, and he knew what to do with it. He knew how to give it to people, how to be rough with them, but also how to be good to them; how to make them feel good.

It was a shame, really, that he preferred drinking over doing pretty much anything else, because there could have been quite some people he could’ve caused to scream out and beg for mercy; he could have made some people happy.

Well, he supposed he was making Baekhyun happy now, because he was continuing his moaning, and the harder Sehun tugged at his hair, the whinier his noises became. He breathed so heavily that his breath caught against Sehun’s skin, which only made the sensation more pleasurable. He sped up his movements, pushing Baekhyun so far down that he was gagging on his cock. Sehun had no idea whether that was okay, because Baekhyun had certainly never told him how far he was allowed to go, but he at least wasn’t complaining. He only put his hands on Sehun’s thighs, where he clamped on to his skin for stability as he sucked, swirled his tongue around his shaft and let himself be used as some type of ragdoll for Sehun’s pleasure. It was the least Baekhyun could do for him, right? He’d promised him, he’d promised him, he’d promised him. And had he delivered? Kind of, because he wasn’t thinking about liquid seeping down his throat and making him feel hot and warm and numb.

Ah, but now he was. He pushed Baekhyun down further, and then, _again_ , he wasn’t.

Baekhyun swallowed his throat open. He didn’t do it without effort, but he was clearly showing his willpower to pull through. So what if he gagged on Sehun’s cock? Didn’t matter much, because that’s exactly what he seemed to want. Sehun pushed him down further and he felt how his cock entered him. When he looked down, he swore he could see the outline through the skin around his neck. He moaned, squeezing his eyes shut to the pressure around him. This _was_ good. It felt fantastic. Like he was high, mind kind of dazed. It still didn’t compare to— but—

He yanked Baekhyun back up only to push him back down. He gagged again, and it felt amazing. By the way Baekhyun was moaning, Sehun could tell that the other guy felt exactly the same. Maybe coming here wasn’t such a bad idea. He could have something good here, without risking getting caught for it. Instead, it was his voice getting caught in the back of his throat.

Heat rose up within him, collecting itself in the pit of his stomach. He groaned as he waited for that pleasure to shoot down to his crotch, where it would explode, erupt, whatever people wanted to call it.

Buried deeply in Baekhyun’s throat, he came without warning. The pressure had Baekhyun’s throat relax and then tense around him as his cock pulsed and then sputtered, thick streaks of cum shooting down. He tried to imagine what it looked like; his channel coaxing slick with white, sticky cum that he would have trouble washing down for the next few days to come.

Sehun kept moving Baekhyun through his orgasm, bobbing him up and down as Baekhyun attempted to deal with the intrusion. As he gagged around his cock, Sehun groaned only more, Baekhyun’s discomfort only further stimulating him. However, after a minute and a half of forcing him to milk the remainder of his cum out of his cock, the sensation became too much and too over stimulating. He decided to let go, and let Baekhyun do the rest. He could do what he wanted now, because Sehun had already shot his load and was already fantasising about what it would be like to finish this entire thing with a sip of—

“Sehun,” Baekhyun uttered. His eyes were filled with need; frenzied with desire. “Sehun, oh… Oh my God.”

“What?” He was about to pull his trousers back up, but Baekhyun stopped him.

“Sehun, I swear…” He addressed him like they had known each other for years, but Sehun was coming to realise that this was probably how Baekhyun was with everyone. “I think I’m going to die if you don’t get inside of me within the next few seconds.”

Sehun looked at his cock, quickly softening against his legs. “Then you shouldn’t have made me cum.”

Baekhyun groaned and squeezed his eyes shut. It looked like he was counting to ten. That was something that Sehun’s probation officer had also told him to do on many occasions, just to get rid of the need a little bit more. It’d get so severe at points that it was hard not to completely lose himself to the craze of it, and it was clear that Baekhyun was now starting to feel the same.

When he’d seemingly recollected himself, he took a deep breath and looked up at him. “Can’t you go again?” He asked. He licked his lips, after which his whole body began to quiver.

“I don’t know.”

“Can I help?”

Sehun shrugged. He didn’t know why, but he felt jealous about something. Perhaps the fact that Baekhyun seemed to be so much more into this than he was.

“You can use that frustration, you know?” Baekhyun got up on his feet and took a few steps backwards. He then bit his lip and moved his hand to the bottom of his shirt. He began moving it up, exposing his smooth chest. “You don’t need to be gentle with me. You can express just how angry you are.” He closed his eyes, lip quivering before he gasped. It looked like he was about to say something else, something more, but then he refrained from doing so. Instead, he rummaged through his clouded mind to say something else, seemingly trying to be convincing “Maybe then you’ll finally feel good again. If you just… Get to do something about it.”

Sehun squeezed his eyes shut, but then nodded. He took his cock back in his hand, stroking it in his warm palm. Maybe Baekhyun was right. Maybe he _could_ do something about all of this frustration. It felt like he had had this thought about a thousand times that night, but this time he would actually give it his all. This time, he would try his best to forget about his severe need to drink and drink and drink until he could no longer think about anything at all.

“Tell me what you’re angry about,” Baekhyun spoke. The atmosphere around them seemed to have changed. It felt darker, while the lighting around them seemed too bright. Maybe Baekhyun had sparked an interest within him.

“I just…” He shook his head. He had no idea what he felt. He often didn’t.

“Are you angry that I didn’t give you the drink I promised you?” Before he gave Sehun the chance to respond, he was pulling his trousers down, revealing the bottom half of his body just as shamelessly. Sehun looked at him, a knot forming in his stomach. Baekhyun looked beautiful naked, his relatively small arousal — especially in comparison to his own — pointing upwards. As Sehun looked at it, it throbbed a little, making Baekhyun quiver upon his feet once more. “Doesn’t it make you want to punish me?”

Sehun bit his lip, feeling himself get a little more aroused again. Maybe he _was_ a little angry. He had really been counting on it, even though he had known very well that it would have been a bad idea. “Punish you?” He asked. “Do you want to be punished?”

Baekhyun nodded. The expression on his face was now almost innocent. “Yeah. Punish me for being so… so…” he shook his head. “Punish me for not giving you what you need. Call me names. I don’t care but, Sehun, please, just…” he squeezed his eyes shut as his hands clenched to fists. Baekhyun looked about to explode. “I can’t handle this anymore. I need something. I need _you_.”

Sehun got up from his seat and approached the shorter guy. Standing there, he didn’t do anything for a moment, as if he was waiting to hear just _one_ more thing. He wanted to do this, he knew that now, but he also needed Baekhyun to continue with all that he had been saying to convince him. He wanted to feel the anger. He wanted to let it out.

How long had it been since he had last been able to do that?

“Think of the moment everything went wrong. Treat me like that. Punish me. _Please_ just fucking punish me.”

After allowing another deep breath to escape, Sehun finally moved in. His hands moved to Baekhyun’s smooth hips as he finally pressed his lips against Baekhyun’s. The kiss wasn’t at all gentle, but Baekhyun had already more than clear that he didn’t want it gentle anyway. Instead, Sehun was simply doing this to get things moving, and to forget that his lips weren’t occupied getting a taste of something else…

Baekhyun groaned into the kiss. One of his arms moved around Sehun’s neck as the other grabbed a hold of one of his wrists. Baekhyun moved it to his own bare ass, which Sehun instantly squeezed into his fists.

How long had it been since he had last done something like this? He couldn’t remember it. Probably because he had been drunk back then.

His other hand moved to Baekhyun’s other ass cheek, where he began squeezing him so firmly that he drew whines from Baekhyun’s lips. They vibrated against his lips, making him long for only more. Especially now that Baekhyun’s hand moved to his front again, grabbing a hold of his hardening cock to stroke it back to its previous fully erect state.

When it jumped up, throbbing desperately, He pushed Baekhyun against the wall and trapped him there. He pushed his leg up between Baekhyun’s, applying pressure to his arousal. He didn’t quite know where this was all coming from, but he didn’t mind. All that truly mattered, after all, was that he was feeling something in the first place. He hadn’t in a while.

The longer they kissed, the more aggressive he became. It caused him to yank at the material of Baekhyun’s trousers, which prompted the other guy to quickly unbutton and unzip himself. He then waited for Sehun to do the rest, which he promptly did.

The same thing happened with his underwear and his shirt, which he tossed to the floor barely a second after. He breathed heavily, hands roaming all over Baekhyun’s naked chest. He looked good, Sehun determined, but he felt even better. That smooth skin… it was doing something to him, making him crazy and filled with lust. He had to do something about that soon, he decided, and he didn’t think that he was capable of moving elsewhere either.

He turned Baekhyun around, pressing his cheek against the wall. He heard Baekhyun gasping, considering the noise delicious and sweet. He groaned in response, his cock throbbing again after the break it had been granted in between. For Sehun to get hard twice in the span of one evening was practically unheard of, but, _again_ , that was merely the alcohol’s fault. His stamina was usually what he was praised for, but now he had relatively little left of that.

“Shit,” Baekhyun whined. He was breathing so heavily that Sehun could swear that he was close to tears. “Fucking _shit_ , please. Please take me.”

Sehun didn’t even bother undressing himself. Instead, he pressed up against the other, grabbed a hold of his cock and pressed it between Baekhyun’s buttocks, against his entrance. He could feel his shirt sticking to his skin, but there was no time to do anything about it. He just wanted to get this done now, he just wanted to feel something, and fast.

He brought his fingers to his mouth and wetted them. Then he lowered his hand and shoved two of them, without much thinking at all, past the ring of muscle. His cock still rested between his ass cheeks. He felt clearly how Baekhyun tensed up around him, capturing Sehun’s fingers in a firm, desperate grip.

“I don’t need much,” Baekhyun admitted, groaning as Sehun spread his fingers inside of him. “We can skip most of this. I… I do this often enough.”

For some reason, that admission made his stomach twist a little, sending shocks of thrill down to his cock. Baekhyun had a way with words, meaning that he had a talent for making them sound so sexy that Sehun could barely resist anymore. That was something he knew already, after having known him for no longer than a few hours at best.

“Do you have lube anywhere close?”

“My pocket. Back pocket.”

Sehun nodded as he knelt down to retrieve it, his fingers yanking out of Baekhyun in one fast tug that left Baekhyun whimpering against the wall. He opened the small bottle without much further ado and spread a thin layer over his rock hard erection. He didn’t want to break into Baekhyun too harshly, but he also knew now that Baekhyun wanted it to hurt. He would give him some of that hurt.

He groaned when he closed in on Baekhyun again and pushed inside, his cock swallowed up by Baekhyun’s warm channel. Baekhyun screamed out himself, as though he hadn’t felt anything remotely like it for ages. Now he _was_ sobbing, but there was clearly not a part of him that wanted Sehun to stop. “Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me,” Baekhyun pleaded. “Sehun, please. Oh my God, _take me_. Rip me a-fucking-part.”

“You’re loud,” Sehun said, his voice somewhat strained. He sunk entirely into Baekhyun, until the flesh around his balls touched Baekhyun’s skin. “Maybe try to contain yourself, won’t you?”

“Make me!” Baekhyun howled only louder.

Sehun bottomed out and brought one of his hands to Baekhyun’s mouth, covering it with ease. His noises soon came out muffled against his hand, but they didn’t feel any less pressing. Sehun could feel the vibrations that Baekhyun’s voice caused, driving him completely insane.

It was then that he started thrusting, pounding so insanely hard that there was not a thought on his mind. The pressure that squeezed around his cock felt more delicious than he could remember sex ever having caused within him, and thus he responded to it with urgency. It made him groan out loud, though he was nowhere near as loud as Baekhyun would have been.

“So big,” the other muttered, his eyes now squeezed shut. It was as though Baekhyun felt like he was being fucked straight into another dimension. “So. Fucking. Big.”

Sehun wasn’t going to last long and he could already feel it. The steady, frantic rhythm that he had managed to pick up was exactly right for what he wanted the other to feel. The noises proved that he was doing a good job, and the heat that had begun welling up within the deepest pit of his stomach was doing nothing to keep him going. He was already getting close, which was nothing compared to the amount of time he was usually able tof fuck, but the feeling of it was way more insane than any of those times had been. This felt full, whole, all-consuming, warm, hot, sweaty, sticky…

His heart beat rapidly as Baekhyun continued to scream against his hand. Looking down, he had his hand wrapped around his own erection, stroking frantically to get to his release. The sight of it was so deliciously good that Sehun lost himself to the sensation entirely. His heart beat rapidly, blood pumping through his body and making him feel hot. He shivered, until a loud groan escaped. He bit his lip, after which he felt forced to bury his face into the crook of his neck. He didn’t know why — though perhaps it was because his mouth was watering — but he soon firmly dug his teeth in Baekhyun’s skin, determined to leave a mark as everything else inside of his body reached a terrible, overwhelming, _mind blowing_ explosion.

When he shot his load inside of Baekhyun, he stopped moving for a moment. Feeling it happening, and feeling Baekhyun slowly stroking himself to his own climax, he decided he needed a moment. Actually, he wasn’t really deciding anything at all, way too consumed with what he was feeling to still have any thought left. What the fuck was this? He couldn’t comprehend it. Couldn’t understand how anything, _anything at all_ , could _ever_ fucking feel this good.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he uttered, after which he began moving again, slowly riding out his orgasm as Baekhyun was trembling against him. His muscles clenched, hugging Sehun’s softening, spilt erection, as he pressed his forehead against the wall and whined. “Goddamn.”

“That’s it,” Baekhyun moaned. “Fuck, _that’s_ it.”

And then he came, his cum pouring out of his cock in pathetic streaks against the wall. He whined out a little more, prompting Sehun to remove his hand just to hear some remnants of it. By the sounds of it, the amount of pleasure coursing through his body was nothing short of surreal.

The wailing that followed after, however, was a little harder to understand.

“What?” Sehun said, promptly pulling out of Baekhyun’s body.

The other was sobbing as streaks of cum steamed down his legs. Sehun’s stomach churned in the aftermath, but he knew that he probably shouldn’t be thinking like this considering the mental state that Baekhyun seemed to be in. Not that Sehun could all understand it, though, but Sehun never understood much of anything.

“What is it?” He repeated, taking a few steps backwards. He definitely had not expected to see someone crying today, and definitely not straight after sex. “Did something happen?”

Baekhyun didn’t seem to be in any state to have a conversation and simply put his hands against the wall. One of them clenched to fists and he smacked against the surface. The hit lacked any strength and it barely made a thud.

“Wasn’t it good?” Sehun continued to ask, zipping himself back up. “I don’t understand what happened.”

“It was,” Baekhyun whimpered, his whole body shivering where it was standing. His knees wobbled, barely able to support his weight. “It’d just… It’d been a while. A long while. A long, long while.”

“Right,” Sehun said. Something about this felt so familiar. He imagined he’d have about the same response if he’d ever… “What do I do now?”

Baekhyun turned himself around and stood naked against the wall. His cock had softened, and was no longer aching. “You can do what you want,” Baekhyun said. He wore a weak smile on his features. “As long as you give me your number.”

“So I can come back?” He wondered. The way Baekhyun behaved wasn’t like anything he had ever seen. Not even when…

He squeezed his eyes shut, pushing the thought to the back of his mind again and tried to return to the present. Baekhyun was here, who he had just fucked, who was crying about what had just happened, whose tears looked like they had been cried out of sheer bliss.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun confirmed, his eyes suddenly wide open. “You will, won’t you?”

Sehun nodded. “I liked it.”

“Good. That’s all I needed to hear.”

It was a good thing that he didn’t ask him whether it had truly been better than alcohol, as the answer might have made him cry even harder.

***

He never opened the curtains anymore those days, not quite seeing the point to. The only person who really came here anymore was the probation officer who was instructed, by court, to go through all of his cabinets in search of alcohol. It happened on a weekly basis, followed by a conversation he never really wanted to have. He had long since given up on the idea that he was ever going to feel differently about his drinks. He hadn’t had any of them in months, but still he longed for them every day. That fuzz. That warmth. Nothing really compared. Or, well, almost nothing.

“Have you been getting out lately, Sehun?”

His probation officer was a woman who looked a little bit like his mother. The only reason was that she treated him like he was stupid, while his mother liked to treat him like he was a highly intelligent scholar who understood everything about philosphy. He liked her, like almost any son liked their mother, but he didn’t really understand what she was talking about most of the time. Either way, he was neither stupid nor smart. He was just… normal.

“I can’t.”

She sighed, then shook her head. “You know what I mean, don’t you? Getting out can mean more than what you’re thinking about now.”

Sehun said nothing, stared out to the light that came through his dirty windows. That was another thing his officer did all the time. She let the light in, thinking that so much darkness must surely drive him insane. It didn’t really. The boredom did.

“Have you been making any friends?”

He could feel his phone in his pocket. Baekhyun had texted him a few times, but he hadn’t responded yet. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to deal with the tears a second time, but at the same time it felt bad not to ask about it at all. It also felt bad that he had said he would come back, and that he hadn’t even bothered to text back.

Ah, everything really felt bad lately, didn’t it?

“I guess I have. I’m not sure yet.”

“That sounds promising!” He hated when she got cheerful like this. “You need some better influence in your life. Better than—”

“—Shut up.” Sehun didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t need to be reminded that Chanyeol was no longer there. He didn’t want to think about the fact that he was somewhere else now, doing something that Sehun couldn't even fathom. He'd often wondered what it was, exactly, but he'd never gotten to see it for himself, or even so much as hear it from Chanyeol's own mouth. He also didn’t want to be reminded about the fact that he couldn’t see him, and that the last time he had showed up at his apartment, it was occupied by other tenants that Sehun had never even seen before. “Don’t talk about that.”

She nodded, though scribbled something down in her notebook. Sehun felt tricked. Then again, she was probably trained to trick him. It was a good thing Sehun hadn’t actually drank anything.

“I’m glad you listened to some of my advice, though. You might not have done well on your meetings yet, but I’m glad to hear about the new friend. Tell me about them?”

“I don’t know what to tell you.” After all, what did he really know about Baekhyun other than how good it felt to have his cock buried deeply inside of him? Not much. In fact, he wasn’t even sure whether the two of them would have anything at all in common. “I met him at the meeting.”

 _’Ha!’_ he thought. ’ _Not such a good influence after all then, hm?’_

She nodded, looking concerned though not entirely disheartened. “What’s his name?”

“I don’t remember.” Of course that was a lie. “We haven’t spent that much time together yet. Besides, isn’t the thing meant to be anonymous?”

She nodded, then scribbled down something else. Sehun didn’t even bother trying to figure out what it was that she was writing. He might have done that in the beginning at times, but he had long since given up, or simply stopped caring.

“I suppose it’s good to find someone you can relate to. I hope, if this is the beginning of a friendship, you can push each other through it a little bit.”

Sehun nodded, though he wasn’t sure whether he agreed with the woman at all. Whatever had happened between him and Baekhyun had looked like a way to help each other through at first — and certainly it had felt good when his cock had been swallowed all the way down his throat — but soon enough it had begun looking like something entirely different. The longer Sehun thought about it, the more he realised that it looked like desperation. And not just _any_ desperation, but a desperation that Sehun knew; one that he felt every day.

“But, Sehun, you also have to remember to be careful. You will both be fragile and very prone to slipping up. If your friend is just as fragile and undetermined at this moment, the slip up can be enormous.” She took a deep breath, and Sehun knew she was going to say something that he would hate her for again. “You are fully aware of what will happen if you are caught, don’t you?”

Sehun nodded again, without saying a word. He wasn’t stupid, was he? Did he give off the impression that he was _that_ stupid?

“Not that I necessarily think you would just give up on all your progress. I’m just telling you to step into this new friendship with some degree of caution. Do you understand what that means?”

“Yes.” Sehun was surprised that he hadn’t started snapping just yet, but he had sworn to himself that he would only do that if the topic of Chanyeol would be brought up again. She wasn’t doing that now. She had listened. “I will be careful.”

***

“What’s your addiction?”

Baekhyun had invited him over for dinner, which Sehun had therefore been expecting to find. At first glance, what Baekhyun had made him looked like nothing special. It was just a pack of instant lasagna, but then with triple the amount of cheese. Upon closer inspection, he could see that the top of it had also been sprinkled with Dorito chips, and that, for good measure, the inside of the lasagna was filled with macaroni and cheese. Like it had been dissected before being put in the oven. It was the weirdest, yet most delicious thing that had ever been put in front of Sehun’s nose.

“My addiction?” Baekhyun wondered. He pursed his lips and grabbed a fork from the table. They were sitting opposite one another, quietly eating away. “Who says I have an addiction?”

“The meetings,” Sehun said instantly. He may not be so bright, but he definitely knew that Baekhyun had a good reason for having been sent there.

Baekhyun looked down at his plate. It was clear that he had hoped to get away with it like that, but Sehun wanted to know.

“I know it’s not alcohol. Otherwise you wouldn’t have it in your house.”

Baekhyun’s eyes shot up and his eyebrow raised. It made Sehun feel somewhat caught, but it was too late to feel bad about what he had done now.

“How do you even know that I have any?”

“I looked.” Sehun admitted it without trouble; without hesitation. He had long since accepted his status as an addict. He never hid it anymore. “When you went to the toilet, I had a look around.”

“And, did you have any of it?”

Sehun shook his head. “I wanted to, but then the toilet flushed again, and… Well, I didn’t want you to see what I was doing.” Something about it felt embarrassing, after all.

“I bet they’d call that progress at those meetings — I bet there would’ve been times you wouldn’t have let that stop you — though I’d refrain from talking about it. You know, they encourage you to be honest, and that all of it is anonymous and all that, but Kyuwon is a snitch. If you slip up, he will probably just tell on you, and then you’ll be in a fuckload of trouble.”

“Is that what happened to you?” Sehun pointed at the ankle bracelet. “Is there where _that_ came from?”

He shook his head but he squeezed his eyes closed as though he was cringing at himself. “No, gross,” Baekhyun said, but then he shuddered even more. “I mean… _Almost_.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

Baekhyun laughed for a moment, but then the smile faded again. “I like you, Sehun, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea for us to talk about all the things that happened to us. I’d much rather keep things fun, if you know what I mean.”

Sehun nodded. He did know what that meant. Over the past couple of days, Baekhyun had been speaking in riddles of sexual innuendos. It was the first time in ages he felt like he could actually understand cryptic messages that talked about one thing but actually meant another. Sehun had never been good at that before, but the sex he’d had with Baekhyun had changed something. Things were clearer now that he had found a way to actually replicate the feeling of a high. The only thing he didn’t quite like was that it felt like Baekhyun knew everything about him, while Sehun knew absolutely nothing about Baekhyun.

“I just wonder what happened, is all…”

Baekhyun shrugged and continued eating, making it very clear that there was not a chance he was going to reveal his secret. “Do you like what I made?”

Sehun accepted his defeat without much trouble at all. Maybe it _was_ easier not to talk about stuff. He didn’t feel much for having to get into the exact reason he had ended up at the meetings either. Ouch. No one could make him talk about that.

“Yeah,” He said, eyes on the dish. “No idea how you managed to make it, though.”

Baekhyun laughed warm heartedly, the noise erupting from the pit of his stomach. Sehun caught himself realising that he had seen Baekhyun cry before he had ever seen him laugh. He preferred this. For now, at least. “It’s my specialty.”

“Making weird food?”

“Mhm. I’ve been locked inside of the house for so long that I, one day, decided to become a little more experimental.”

Sehun took another bite and was overwhelmed with an excess of cheese that stuck to the roof of his mouth. It tasted so good, though, that it was easily worth that trouble. Well, of course, otherwise his plate wouldn’t have been mostly finished by now. “Couldn’t you just have started real cooking? I have a friend, you know… He cooks well, but it never really looks like instant food.”

“I never said I was or wanted to be a cooking expert.” Baekhyun shrugged. “I think I’d prefer being a comfort expert.”

Sehun felt himself smiling, but made it disappear quickly enough. He stared at his plate then and felt something welling up within the pit of his stomach. “Comfort,” he repeated, after which he hummed.

“Yeah… Comfort.”

Sehun’s eyes found Baekhyun’s again. He was staring right back at him. His mouth was opened a little, his tongue popped out of his mouth. “I think you’re good at comfort,” Sehun said.

“You’re making that sound an awful lot like an actual compliment, rather than…”

“Do you want to have sex with me again?”

“Yeah, that…”

Sehun smiled again, and Baekhyun smiled right back at him. “Well? Do you want to?”

Baekhyun swallowed and then squeezed his eyes shut. His teeth dug into his bottom lip as he considered the request, and then his hand clenched around his fork. He took a deep breath, hesitated a little longer and then, almost whimpering, let out an inevitable: “Yes…”

Over the past couple of days, Sehun had thought a lot about doing this again. He had thought of multiple scenarios in which he would be able to make it happen again. That was probably why he was nowhere near as passive as he had been the last time he had been here, and probably why he got up his seat without much trouble, stepped over towards Baekhyun and grabbed a hold of his arm to pull him off his chair as well.

Sehun pushed him against the kitchen counter, grabbing a firm hold of his wrists and clasping them in a firm grip. He pressed them down upon the counter and kept them there with all his might, as he stared down at Baekhyun just to catch a glimpse of the type of expression he was wearing.

“Shit…” Baekhyun muttered. “You’ve changed…”

Sehun said nothing to that and instead pressed closer. He could already feel his body heat collecting itself in his groin, sending shocks of thrill and desire to his hardening cock. To make Baekhyun aware of this too, he grinded his crotch into Baekhyun’s stomach. “I’ve thought about you.”

“Oh, have you?” It was clear that Baekhyun wanted to sound cocky, but instead his words came out in the form of pathetic little whimpers. He was clearly getting turned on, then. “What have you thought about?”

“Doing _this_.” Sehun momentarily let go of Baekhyun’s wrists and instead used his hands to yank at the other’s hips to turn him over. He lifted him up slightly, and then bent him over the counter top. He took pleasure in hearing all those gasps, making him all the harder. “You’re so small…”

“Compared to you, yeah… Do you like that?” Baekhyun’s composure was suddenly entirely gone. He sounded manic with need instead. “I bet you do…”

“I do, yeah,” he confirmed. His hands found Baekhyun’s clothed ass, which he squeezed in his palms. “I like it a lot.”

“Prove it,” he whined. “Please… I want to… I need… Oh my _God_.”

At those words, Sehun buried his face in the crook of Baekhyun’s neck and breathed in his scent. He had missed it the very second he had left this place last time. He’d been able to smell it on his clothes, of course, but nothing really compared to the real thing. Comfort. Yeah, Baekhyun was a whole lot of comfort. And Sehun needed comfort now that he was all alone; now that he could share nothing with no one.

 _Shut up_.

As he kissed the back of Baekhyun’s neck, Sehun’s arms wrapped around his waist and began fumbling to get him out of his trousers. It didn’t take him much time at all.

“Now you…” Baekhyun whimpered again, his patience evidently having run out already. “I—”

“Don’t be greedy,” Sehun demanded, shutting the other right up.

However, he did what Baekhyun wanted of him and soon his cock was out, leaking pre-cum against Baekhyun’s soft, smooth skin. The cold of Baekhyun’s apartment, making it slightly uncomfortable and sleazy, only made it better.

This time it was Sehun who had come prepared, taking the small bottle of lube, that he had bought at the convenience store on his way here, out of his pocket. He did what he knew to do, spreading the water-based lubricant over his cock.

He teased himself in between Baekhyun’s cheeks, playfully spreading lube and the slick evidence of his arousal along the ring of muscle. It made Baekhyun whine only more, though he now knew not to come with any demands. Sehun was in control now. He had fantasised about doing it at home, and now he knew exactly what he wanted, and what he could give.

“It’s too big for you, is it?” Sehun said, pulling his cock away again. He was smirking from ear to ear, feeling proud of the denial. “Maybe you need something else first.”

“What?” Baekhyun’s voice sounded panicked with desire. “What are you—”

“I hoped I would’ve had a toy by this point, but it didn’t arrive just yet. I’ll have to keep it for later. For now, I suppose I’ll just finger you.”

“Jesus... You’re not subtle at all, are you?”

But Sehun didn’t answer that question at all. Instead, he slipped his finger inside of him, which he curled up only seconds later. Sehun knew very well where to aim, always having found the idea of pleasuring someone like that more than just a little attractive. He even looked up a picture of the male anatomy at one point, just so he’d know, which he was now using to make Baekhyun scream out with pleasure as he was bent over the counter. “You didn’t expect that, did you?” Sehun grinned. “It’s okay. Don’t worry.”

He inserted another finger, cutting Baekhyun’s breath short again. “Oh my God,” he muttered. “What… What the…”

Sehun enjoyed those perplexed noises so much that he didn’t hesitate to slip in a third, curling them deeply and using all of them to inflict the biggest amount of pleasure upon Baekhyun that he could manage.

“So… They’re so… Sehun, fuck. Not too much. Not…” Baekhyun was whimpering at this point. When Sehun looked to the side, he could see that his eyes were open but that they, at the same time, weren’t focused on anything at all. “I like the stretch, please, oh… I don’t need more. I…”

Which was all Sehun needed to yank his fingers out in one go and replace them with his leaking cock. It had only started throbbing more with each noise that escaped Baekhyun’s throat.

As he worked himself in between Baekhyun’s ass cheeks and caressed the ring of muscle once more, he finally groaned and let himself sink in slowly. He wasn’t doing it to be careful, however, but just so he could feel every second of the clench as Baekhyun’s body swallowed him up. At the same time, he thoroughly enjoyed the fact that Baekhyun was only getting more desperate with every inch that disappeared inside of him. In fact, he was sure that the other guy was crying by the time he was fully seated, as his hand tried their absolute best to find something to hold on to. One of them even managed to wrap around one of Sehun’s wrists, of which the hand had grabbed a firm hold of Baekhyun’s hips, as the other pressed flat against one of the tiles against the wall. Sehun knew better than to assume Baekhyun still knew what he was doing at all, but he thoroughly enjoyed that too.

“Still liking the stretch?” Sehun asked, his voice almost monotonous.

“God, yeah…” Baekhyun’s hand squeezed around his wrist a little more firmly.

“Ah, I should tie you up next time.” He wasn’t sure whether he liked the fact that Baekhyun had so much freedom. “I think you’d look good with rope around you.”

“Don’t… talk… just…” Baekhyun pressed his cheek against the kitchen counter and bit his lip in anticipation. “Please just _fuck_ me. I need it. You have _no_ idea how much I need it. Sehun, please. Please _give_ it to me, because I can’t handle— _Oh_.”

Without another word, Sehun bottomed out and thrust back in. He didn’t allow himself to naturally come to a steady rhythm. Instead, he pounded into him, seemingly out of nowhere, and could feel himself slowly getting a little more out of breath. Baekhyun wasn’t even whining anymore, instead letting out noises that sounded like he hadn’t been breathing for a while. Sehun loved them. Ah, he loved all of this. It made him feel so good, so much better than he had over the past couple of months, so much better than…

He didn’t even remember what this was meant to be better than. Not now, anyway.

Baekhyun’s body felt good. Baekhyun’s voice sounded good. Sehun liked the smooth skin of his hip and he liked the little exhales of oxygen as Sehun pounded him back into the counter again. Baekhyun _looked_ good too, which Sehun confirmed when he opened his eyes and spotted the guy he was inside of in a state of utter bliss. He could only imagine how much better he would look once his hips would be black and blue from all those repeated collisions with the kitchen counter. Not that Baekhyun seemed to notice them. He only noticed the force of Sehun’s thrusts and how good they were making him feel.

Sehun could clearly feel it by the way Baekhyun clenched his muscles with every thrust, making him feel better, more swallowed up, more submerged. _Fuck_. Nothing had _ever_ felt this good before.

He was sure it could still be better, though.

“Touch yourself,” Sehun ordered. When Baekhyun didn’t immediately respond, he followed his demand by a stern: “ _Now_.”

“Okay, okay, okay,” Baekhyun muttered as he did it. “Okay… Okay… Okay…”

His moaning was beginning to sound like crying, but Sehun assumed that was because it had become too much. It didn’t feel like the crying he had done the last time, which had confused Sehun. On the contrary, he perfectly understood those pleasure-induced tears. They didn’t confuse him at all.

“Let me feel it.” Sehun brought his hand to Baekhyun’s, wrapping it around his smaller, leaner fingers. “Show me how you like it.”

Baekhyun didn’t say anything, but as he sped up his stroking, Sehun could tell that he was eager. To reward him for it, Sehun slowed down his thrusts but made them twice as forceful. This soon had them constricted in a breathless challenge to inflict as much as pleasure as they possibly could. Neither one of them seemed to understand how this was even possible anymore. When had Sehun ever felt this much during sex before? He certainly couldn’t remember it.

“I’m gonna…” Baekhyun muttered.

“Yeah, do it.” Sehun leaked in close and squeezed his hand firmly around Baekhyun’s, trapping the other guy’s cock into a firmer grip. “I could tell you not to, but that’s for another time.”

“ _Fuck_.” The promise seemed to be enough for Baekhyun to spill the evidence of his orgasm against one of his cupboards. “Fucking… _SHIT!”_

What he liked best was the clench of muscles during an orgasm, swallowing up his cock so tightly that Sehun’s eyes shot wide open. In his vision appeared the stars that meant he was feeling too much to see anything, and then, in the heat of everything, he fell still and felt himself spilling every last drop inside of Baekhyun.

Without any control left over his body, Sehun began riding out his orgasm until every last bit of pleasure had been properly milked out. Then, as if he couldn’t help himself, he collapsed on top of Baekhyun and pressed the side of his face against Baekhyun’s head. He breathed in the scent of his hair and then wrapped his arms tightly around his middle. He didn’t really know why. It just felt comfortable that way.

“Are you crying again this time?” Sehun then asked, not meaning it mockingly in the slightest bit.

Baekhyun seemed to understand, though he was still too busy catching his breath. “No,” he panted. “No, I’m not.”

“Good…”

***

When he woke up, there was an envelope on the doorstep. Sehun paid it barely any mind at first, but after having poured himself a bowl of breakfast — cereal, of course, because what would a diet be without sugar? — he could feel his eyes going there again.

He barely ever got mail, so when he got any, he knew it was important. His mother sent him things sometimes too, of course, but those more usually looked like postcards or packets of goodies. She loved him, of course, but she found it a bit difficult to see Sehun lately, so she expressed her love in goods. It would do for Sehun, for the moment.

So, Sehun knew that the envelope didn’t come from his mother and he also knew that it didn’t come from anywhere official. It lacked the plastic window and the logo on the front. That meant, maybe, that it could come from somewhere he wasn’t sure he was ready for. Or, maybe it wasn’t so much that he wasn’t ready for that, but the disappointment when it turned out not to be that. That’s why he left it, he assumed, for the majority of the day.

It would’ve been easier if he’d had a couple of beers to help him through it, or at least a few glasses of vodka and orange, but of course he didn’t. He had to do this one alone, which Sehun wasn’t typically good at. He’d never much done anything alone. He thought it was easier, much easier, when someone was simply there to make all the decisions for him.

The first thing he noticed was the handwriting. Then he sunk through his knees and grabbed it off the door mat. It had him putting it down on the kitchen table, rubbing his temples as he looked at it. He had been waiting for this for a while — for months, even — and he had no idea what any of this would say. What if it wouldn’t be what Sehun wanted? What if he wouldn’t read what he needed to read?

Without another thought, he yanked the letter open. Everything was simply put down on a single page, of which the letters started blurring into one another. He swallowed hard and covered his mouth with his hand, as the reality of this finally registered.

_Come in two weeks? It’s time we talked._

Sehun nodded to himself, despite knowing that no one would be able to see him here anyway.


	2. Withdrawal

He wasn’t sitting next to Baekhyun, which annoyed him. It was the first time they were at a meeting after they had started seeing each other, but someone had taken the space next to Baekhyun’s already and now Sehun was sitting next to some other guy who was probably going to talk about his problems. Sehun didn’t want to listen to it. Not to any of it. But he was just going to have to sit through the hour anyway.

Baekhyun raised his eyebrow at him, but apart from that he hadn’t looked at him. In fact, he seemed suddenly interested in what was happening around him. He paid no attention to Sehun, whose eyes remained on him, and instead tried his best to ignore him. Sehun didn’t understand why.

“Baekhyun, would you like to share today?”

Baekhyun’s eyes shot up at their cult leader and he shook his head. He fumbled with his hands a little, though, which probably meant he was nervous. Baekhyun often seemed nervous, or sad, or ecstatic, or emotional in general. Sehun wasn’t often like that. He just felt angry and annoyed sometimes, but those were the only feelings he really recognised anymore.

“You’ve been here for quite a while, but we don’t know too much about you yet.”

Baekhyun sighed and stared at the floor. “I’ve got nothing to say.”

"Everyone has something to say." His eyes shot to Sehun, who almost wanted to glare at him. How many more times was he going to need to tell people that he didn’t want to talk about any of it? "I’m sure you do too."

Baekhyun looked slightly distraught, but then his eyebrows lowered and then it started to look like he was getting angry. “You know nothing about me. None of you do. You just assume I’m here for a reason because of this.” He pulled the leg of his jeans up. “But you’ve got it wrong. There’s no reason for me to be here. I just want to be…”

Baekhyun stopped talking and then waved his hand in the man’s direction. His eyes shot to Sehun, upon which his features softened a little. Like Sehun had managed to calm him down a little.

“Try to go on,” Kyuwon said. “This is good, this throwing out your anger thing. I think you’re getting somewhere with it.”

Baekhyun said nothing. Evidently done with the whole thing.

“Baekhyun?”

Sehun cleared his throat. “You’re not a therapist, right?”

The man’s eyes shot to him. He was silent for a moment, but then he shook his head. “No, you’re right. I’m not.”

Sehun nodded, but then lowered his eyebrows in anger. “Then stop talking like you are one. He doesn’t have to talk if he doesn’t want to.”

“Well… If he wants to…”

“If I want to get out of those meetings and out of this ankle bracelet, then I’m going to have to,” Baekhyun finished the man’s sentence. “But I’m not in the mood right now. I’m not in the mood to be judged and for you to get the story wrong.”

Kyuwon was silent for a small moment. He didn’t look frustrated or aggressive, but instead he wore an expression that made it seem like he wanted to help. Sehun would never understand why this guy wasted his time on helping people that didn’t want to be helped by him.

“Then tell us the correct version of the story. We’re not here to judge you. We’re just here to listen.”

Baekhyun seemed to think this over for a while, but then his eyes shot to Sehun again and he swallowed. He shook his head, then. Not in Kyuwon’s direction, but in Sehun’s. “Not now,” he said simply. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

Kyuwon stared at Baekhyun with somewhat of a blank expression on his face, as though he was waiting for Baekhyun to change his mind. Not that Baekhyun did, because instead he simply crossed his arms and stared down at the floor, seemingly trying to block out the rest of the room. Sehun tried to seek out eye contact again, but he wasn’t getting it. He looked at Baekhyun’s bouncing legs instead, as Kyuwon lost interest in persisting and moved on to another group member, who would happily cry about whatever misery they had endured to get them here.

Sehun frowned, catching himself wondering about what had just happened. He hadn’t seen Baekhyun in such a state before. Despite the few times he had pretty much cried his eyes out after sex, Sehun hadn’t seen him express sadness before. Now, however, while looking at the floor, Sehun could clearly see that he did feel sad. He just didn’t know how, because he _also_ had no idea what Baekhyun hadn’t wanted to talk about.

Knowing would make it easier, he supposed, but with Baekhyun not even looking at him now, Sehun wasn’t sure whether he was going to find out anytime soon.

***

_‘Come fuck me._

_Sehun, for God’s sake, please answer._

_I need you._

_I want you._

_Sehun, please… Please.’_

The messages blurred together on his screen. The sound of loud, persisting vibrating against his nightstand had woken him up. It wasn’t until he’d seen Baekhyun’s name displayed as the caller ID that he finally realised part of what was going on, but of course that didn’t mean he’d picked up. He’d pressed decline instead, feeling way too tired for a conversation so early in the morning — if it even had been morning.

It was only when the buzzing persisted that Sehun finally decided to pick his phone off his nightstand to take a look at what was going on. His eyes could barely focus, especially as the messages continued to come in for a while. He groaned, feeling _so_ tired that it almost felt like he was experiencing the unpleasant effects of being black-out drunk without having felt any of the pleasantries.

What time even was it? 3.36AM, he confirmed.

 _‘What?’_ he sent back _‘Now?’_

_‘Please? I can’t stop thinking about what you said last time. About tying me up.’_

_‘At 3.37AM?’_

_‘I couldn’t sleep._

_And now I need it or I probably won’t sleep again._

_Do you have somewhere to be in the morning?_

_Please say no.’_

_‘No, not really. I never have anywhere to go.’_

_‘Right. So will you come?’_

Sehun felt tired. He had no idea what to say in response to this, but something about the persisting messages set his mind to something but something was pulling at him to get out of bed. He didn’t know whether it was Baekhyun’s desperation, which evidently had managed to arouse him if even just a little, or the fact that he simply wanted to see Baekhyun again. He hadn’t gotten the chance to since their last meeting, and questions had been pulling at him. Not that he could remember any of those questions now, but that was besides the point.

_‘Okay.’_

He didn’t get anything back in return for a few minutes, and so Sehun didn’t get up yet. Instead, he stared up at the ceiling and tried his best to shake the tiredness.

_‘Bring whatever rope you were thinking of last time, please.’_

Well, that was enough for him to forget all about it, because now the thought of Baekhyun, and his small squirming body, dominated every cavity of his brain.

It wasn’t much later that he arrived at Baekhyun’s apartment, and therefore not much later that he was being buzzed up and let in, and that he was faced with a wide-eyed Baekhyun who looked like he hadn’t felt okay in weeks.

“Wow,” Sehun stated bluntly. “What’s up?”

Baekhyun grabbed a hold of Sehun’s jacket and pulled him in. “I don’t have any time to talk,” he said, expression frantic. “I need you. Please.”

It was Baekhyun who initiated the kiss, and it practically gave Sehun no opportunity to push the questions about the meeting to the forefront of his mind. Instead he was sucked into Baekhyun, which prompted Sehun to let his instincts take over from him. It felt better to listen to those than to use his brain anyway, so he simply let it happen.

He pulled at the sleeves of his jacket to make the whole thing come undone and let it drop to the floor. Then he brought his hands to Baekhyun’s face and grabbed a hold of his cheeks, tilting him into the position that was most comfortable for Sehun. Then, because Baekhyun’s tongue was practically begging to be let in, Sehun opened his mouth and slithered out his own. Something tingled when they met, which caused Sehun to groan a little and speed up. He had to get Baekhyun underneath him, and he needed it now.

Baekhyun, who was stepping backwards through his apartment, and didn’t seem to mind that he was bumping into something with every step — his apartment was incredibly small — guided him somewhere. Through a door, and then, somehow, he let himself fall backwards onto the bed. Sehun didn’t have to think twice to allow himself to move along. It felt good to be here, with Baekhyun’s arms around his neck and his fingers nestled in his hair, with Sehun’s body between Baekhyun’s spread legs. It felt good to kiss him like this, to lick into his mouth and to taste the desperation in his movements.

What they were doing was almost lazy, but somehow no less frantic. Sehun wanted Baekhyun as much as he had wanted him the first time, and he wasn’t shying away from letting Baekhyun know that. “I want you to be naked,” he muttered. “Can we get naked?”

“Y-yeah,” Baekhyun muttered. “You don’t need to ask. Just… Just take.”

Sehun nodded, considering it fair enough, and then began working the button’s of Baekhyun’s pajama top until he could move the thin fabric over his shoulders and off his arms. His bottoms were easier to remove, as they barely clung around Baekhyun’s skinny hips. Sehun caught himself wondering whether he had bought them too big, or whether they had once fit him better. Not that that mattered now, though, when his mind was on nothing but sex.

“Did you bring rope?” Baekhyun muttered in question.

“No,” Sehun answered. Baekhyun seemed about to complain, so Sehun shut him up again. “Something else.”

“What?”

As he lay there naked, Sehun was practically still entirely dressed, save for his jacket, which had been discarded in the living room. Sehun moved up and looked down at baekhyun’s naked body. He was hard and clearly ready for whatever Sehun was about to do to him. In fact, by the way Baekhyun dug his teeth needily into his bottom lip, Sehun wondered what he had brought was going to be enough.

“Get on your stomach,” Sehun ordered. “And then I’ll show you.”

Baekhyun’s eyes widened and he listened to him right away, sticking his ass up in the process as if to tempt Sehun to speed up. Well, it did work, because Sehun didn’t think he could hold back for too much longer, and therefore he moved his hand to his pocket and took out a pair of handcuffs. He enclosed one of the cuffs around one of Baekhyun’s wrists, and then, without any effort whatsoever, he attached them to his other.

“You’re under arrest, I think I should say,” Sehun said. He was amused, but his arousal made it impossible for him to show just how amused he was. That often happened, when he felt more than one emotion at the same time. “How does that feel?”

Baekhyun didn’t respond, and upon closer inspection, it seemed like Baekhyun had completely frozen. A noise erupted from his mouth, sounding like nothing short of a whine. “Uh…” He said, but Sehun had no idea what to make from it. “One… One second.”

“Huh, what?” Sehun didn’t know what to do in response to that, and therefore he didn’t move and waited for the ‘second’ to pass. “What for?”

“One second, please…”

Baekhyun’s breathing had sped up and Sehun could see that he was trembling upon his legs. Sehun watched him as he sat up a little, and then as he flipped himself around onto his back again. When the two of them came eye to eye with one another again, Baekhyun’s eyes were big and filled with something more than just arousal. Sehun, as always, had no idea what was happening, so he simply waited for further instruction.

“Uh… No… No, nevermind. I…”

“You don’t like the cuffs?” Sehun asked, his eyebrow raised.

Baekhyun swallowed, opened his mouth to say something, but then decided against it. “No, I do… I do…”

Sehun nodded in response, but then frowned a little. “I don’t really know what to do now.” He was always honest about that, simply because he couldn’t afford not to be. That was something he had been taught during his countless unwanted therapy sessions, because, when Sehun didn’t know what to do, he would often end up making a whole bunch of mistakes. “Do I still fuck you, or… Do you need to cry?”

Baekhyun, who had previously looked like he was about to do just that, now shook his head. He bit his lip in thought, took a deep breath, and then made a smile reappear onto his lips. “No, no… I don’t need to cry.” A chuckle escaped his lips and then he shook his head. Sehun felt a little relieved that he at least wasn’t getting mad at Sehun’s lack of understanding, which was another thing people often did, and he didn’t much like that either. “I want you. I still want you. I’m just — nevermind — kind of having a moment, I suppose, but… Yeah. No. No, I do… Want you.”

Sehun nodded, looked at Baekhyun to confirm that he wasn’t going to say any more and then moved his hand to the waistband of the sweatpants he hadn’t decided to get out of before coming here. Within a few seconds, he’d pulled them down his legs, revealing the throbbing hard erection he had been sporting since he’d been lying in his bed, thinking of Baekhyun’s desperation. Baekhyun, now fully recovered, licked his lips with anticipation.

“You’d been waiting for this, then?” Sehun asked, expression as blank as it always was. He grabbed a hold of his cock. “This?”

Baekhyun nodded frantically, “I want it. I told you. I do… I…” He took a deep breath — again, Sehun didn’t know what for — and then continued his nodding. “I need it. In me.”

Sehun approached him with a slight, barely visible smirk on his face and spread his legs, capturing Baekhyun’s body between his thighs as he straddled his chest. “In where?” he asked, after scooting closer to Baekhyun’s mouth. His lips looked so good, especially because the teeth marks caused by his own distress were still visible in his bottom one. “Your mouth?”

Baekhyun shook his head, but then nodded straight after. He looked confused, but more so in the way where he didn’t care about what would happen now. He just wanted Sehun, and Sehun liked knowing it. He wanted Baekhyun too, after all. “Sure, Sehun, fuck…” he hissed. “Whatever the hell you want. I don’t care, just…”

Sehun decided to shut him up by pressing the top of his cock against Baekhyun’s lips. He opened his mouth in an instant, inviting Sehun’s cock in without even thinking about it. He’d noticed that with Baekhyun, those things just happened as though he was moving on autopilot, like the sole purpose of him was to please people, to please himself.

As expected, Baekhyun moaned around his cock and instantly moved himself forward. Whatever distress he had previously been in, now entirely seemed to disappear. Sehun noticed that Baekhyun was getting lost in it, forgetting about everything as he started working on Sehun's arousal. His eyes were shut, and his breathing had steadied itself. He was breathing fast, though, because he could feel his breathing against his skin, but at least it wasn’t irregular anymore; like it was close to breaking. He was just hot for this now, enjoying it, and — most of all — he was doing what he had said, on multiple occasions, what he was good for.

“You look so good like this,” Sehun uttered. He put his hand on the back of Baekhyun’s head and pulled him in. Baekhyun’s innocent eyes looked up at him and threw him a quick glance. Sehun shivered, the act making him hot all over. “You look like such a slut. And I like that.” With his fingers, he softly caressed Baekhyun’s scalp.

He wasn’t sure what it was, though maybe it was the fact that it was very late and the fact that they were tired, but despite the fact that Baekhyun had his hands cuffed behind his back, there was something a little softer about the way they were doing this now. Not that it had his heart beating any slower than usually, but he felt differently. Calmer. More used to this.

“Sehun,” Baekhyun muttered. It took Sehun a few seconds to realise that Baekhyun was saying his name, as the words were muffled around his erection. He nodded in his direction in question, raising his eyebrow. “Fuck me. Fuck my mouth.”

It sounded ridiculous, all muffled like this, but Sehun didn’t need to think twice. So much for calm, he supposed. The two of them weren’t meant to fuck calmly; they probably didn’t even know how to do it.

He thrust his hips forward, leaving Baekhyun to gasp as his mouth was slowly filled. Sehun smirked fully now, from ear to ear, and made sure to thrust in a little more deeply than Baekhyun could comfortably handle. Baekhyun didn’t seem to mind, as he instantly began working on swallowing his throat open for him. Sehun moaned. How had he found someone (or had he been found _by_ someone?) who knew how to do this; who had all those skills? Sehun shivered.

“More,” Baekhyun muffled. “Fuck me. Come on. Please. Please be rough with me.”

So Sehun was. He began picking up a pace, all while his hand remained tangled in Baekhyun’s hair. It had Baekhyun moaning and squirming, as tears filled his eyes. Sehun had done this often enough to know that he didn’t mind that, though. On the contrary, Sehun knew that Baekhyun _liked_ it.

Baekhyun’s noises became louder. They were moans, interrupted by violent, involuntary gags that had all his muscles clench. Sehun’s stomach fluttered as he persisted and Baekhyun moaned again even if only to encourage him again. That made him tingle even more, pleasure shooting from his stomach to his swelling, _throbbing_ erection. It wouldn’t be long before he’d come, he thought, so now he had to think about whether he wanted it to happen just like this, when his fantasies were always, first and foremost, on Baekhyun’s tight hole instead. He was moaning at the thought alone, making him pull out in an instant.

Baekhyun whined involuntarily, missing the touch immediately. “Sehun,” he therefore whined, while kicking his legs as if to display his frustration. If he had been able to use his arms, Sehun thought he might have wrapped them around him, but nothing was to any avail right now. Sehun liked the idea of that; of Baekhyun being helpless and needy.

As Sehun got off him, he caused a whole array of pathetic whimpering to follow suit.

“Get in me,” Baekhyun whined.

“Of course.” He wasn’t going to keep him waiting this time around, as he could hardly keep himself waiting, causing him to move his fingers to Baekhyun’s mouth. Baekhyun got the hint immediately and desperately began to lick around them, wetting them enough for Sehun to move them down his body, between his legs, until he was pressing one of them against his entrance and slowly worked it inside of him.

Sehun lied down beside him, leaning most of his weight onto his elbow as he looked at Baekhyun, who was desperately staring back at him. His mouth opened, his breath hitching as his eyes were slowly getting glassy. Sehun added a finger, which made his pupils go bigger and then smaller, until he shut his eyes altogether and let out a needy moan. He tried his best to scoot himself closer, but the cuffs prevented him from it, but Sehun had gotten the hint loud and clear and closed the distance between them himself instead.

He pressed his lips against the other’s, making use of the way it was already slightly agape by pushing his tongue inside of him in an instant. Baekhyun sivered to the touch, which had Sehun finger him open only more. Because he just had his saliva to work with this time around, his hole felt a little more raw, but therefore no less appealing. Besides, didn’t Baekhyun like it when it hurt? Didn’t he want to feel the sting?

“Take me…” he whispered in between kisses, but Sehun didn’t answer. He never answered. Not verbally, at least. “Please… Sehun…”

His tongue worked its way around Baekhyun’s, tasting his own cock there. He groaned into it, which awakened him and forced him to spur into action almost immediately. It was unfair, Sehun thought, that this felt as good as it did. His heart beat quickly, _rapidly._

“Why… Oh my _God_ , why are you always making me beg?”

At that, Sehun simply grinned. “Because you look and sound so good when you do it.”

“Well,” Baekhyun whimpered, another hitched breath escaping his lips. “ _Please, please_ … Please take me.”

“Hmm…”

Another squirm had Sehun laughing, but then he did as he had been requested and got up from where he was lying and moved himself in between Baekhyun’s eagerly spread legs instead. After yanking out his fingers, he grabbed a hold of Baekhyun’s thighs and folded him backwards, his calves landing against Sehun’s shoulders. Like that, Sehun positioned himself, grabbed a hold of his cock, and finally pressed it against Baekhyun’s eager, _pulsating_ ring of muscle.

When he thrust himself inside, Baekhyun instantly moaned and threw his head back, acting like he hadn’t gotten fucked in years. His legs pressed back against Sehun’s shoulders and tempted him to move forward, which Sehun soon enough did. He felt in the mood for sloppy sex, because he was slowly getting more and more tired, his eyes stinging while the rest of body started to fill itself with a more than welcome pleasure. He hummed in response, as Baekhyun’s hole hugged his shaft.

He picked up a lazy pace. His thrusts were deep, though slow, and despite the fact that he wasn’t using too much force this time around, he was making sure to fuck Baekhyun’s body into the mattress regardless. His stomach fluttered wildly, heat collecting itself in the pit of his stomach and shooting down to his throbbing arousal to make him feel the tingling sensation of pleasure.

He groaned, which prompted him to move down further. He put his arms on each side of Baekhyun’s side before he moved himself down all the way, closing the distance between their mouths one last time.

“I love this,” Sehun muttered. He wasn’t sure why he thought it necessary to say anything at all, but he wasn’t really thinking. Nothing _really_ mattered, so he acted on pure impulse instead. “I fucking _love_ this.”

“Me… Me too,” Baekhyun whimpered, squirming and struggling. “Ah, fucking… Fucking shit. Harder, harder… Please… Sehun, please…”

As he continued the kissing, more aggressively laying claim to his mouth, his thrusts sped up too. He had been fucking him deeply already, but now he was making sure to fuck him exactly where he needed to be fucked, locating — not without trouble, but with a lot more ease than the previous times they had done this — his sensitive prostate.

As Baekhyun cried out with pleasure, his own system filled itself up with an equal amount of it, making him tingle from the inside out. “Fuck,” he hissed, speeding up only more. “Fucking… Fuck…”

He moved his hand down between them, grabbing a hold of Baekhyun’s hard, leaking erection. His thrusts slowed down again and lost their rhythm, resulting in a series of irregular, mind boggling thrusts that had him coming closer and closer towards the edge a little more each time. It was hard to understand how this was happening at all, but there was no denying that it was. None at all.

He pressed his thumb against Baekhyun’s tip, teasing it with circling motions. Baekhyun practically screamed out. “Are you gonna come?” Sehun asked him, “After just a bit of teasing?”

“Y-yeah,” Baekhyun stuttered. “Can I?”

Sehun hummed in thought, but then only responded by pumping Baekhyun’s arousal up and down the few times it took for him to slip over the edge.

As Baekhyun came — filling up the room with desperate screaming and other exclamations of arousal once more — his body clung itself around Sehun’s shaft. That was all Sehun needed for him to slip right over his own, after which he grunted, clung his fists around some of Baekhyun’s sheets and stilled himself as he spilled his seed. He was whining, _groaning_ , unable to comprehend how any of this was happening, but wasn’t that always the case? Wasn’t he always struggling to understand what was going on; to understand how those things could be felt? Of course it was still nothing like what he’d ever gotten out of his addiction, but perhaps, considering the need was way less severe and intense, it was… _better_. He could do this without having to think about making mistakes. He could do this, feel good, without being scrutinised for it.

“Oh my God,” Baekhyun groaned, his eyes slipping shut. “Never… stop doing that.”

As Sehun pulled out of him, he collapsed next to him on the bed and hummed with amusement. He pulled Baekhyun’s body — hands still cuffed behind his back — against himself and planted a kiss in the crook of his neck. “Fine. I won’t.”

***

There had been many times when Sehun had thought that he couldn’t possibly feel any better. He’d be lying somewhere, passed out, fucked half out of his mind, and he’d be grinning to himself as he would run his hand along the nearest thing he could find. Touching, just touching, would feel good against his fingertips, and he enjoyed letting his eyes slip shut just to _feel_ it. When he drank, his emotions got intense like that, and he could smile to himself as he felt his heart jump up to his throat. Normally, he supposed that would have been uncomfortable, but it wasn’t in those circumstances. Things were just nice. Nice and simple. There were no expectations of him, and no one to tell him that he was doing something wrong, or misunderstanding something.

There was just the buzzing sensation in his head, and the pleasant sleepiness he could feel washing over him as all other people around him got lost in conversations about different things, more extreme things. Sehun enjoyed listening to those conversations, even if only for the simple fact that he did not have to participate. Everyone understood that he was drunk. No one would expect him to say something, or to come up with a solution.

Chanyeol was usually right there with him, sitting on sofas and beds right beside him. He would tilt himself backwards from time to time, just to check on him, while he involved himself in the conversations and excused himself for Sehun’s mental absence. No one minded it, because Chanyeol made sure that no one ever would.

“Sometimes I wonder whether he’s going to be a problem,” Sehun had once heard someone say. At the time, he hadn’t known that this was about him, but he did now.

“Don’t worry, he’s too out of it. He probably doesn’t even know what’s going on,” Chanyeol had answered. Sehun’s vision had blurred a little, his mind slipping in and out of consciousness. It had always been the way he liked things best.

“Why is he even here, though?” The voice had sounded confused rather than annoyed, which, thinking back now, probably had a lot to do with the fact no one actively disliked Sehun, but more so didn’t understand where he was coming from in any way whatsoever. “He’s always out of it, never interested in what we’re doing…”

“I like him, alright? He’s my friend. It’s been like that forever.” Sehun liked that; how Chanyeol would stick up for him no matter what. “ _I_ wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for our friendship.”

“And you’re sure about that? Sorry, but…”

“Let’s just move on, okay? There’s no point in talking about this. He’s going to keep coming along, because that’s the way I want it. You want to work with me, so you’re gonna have to also work with Sehun. Is that clear?”

“Yeah, alright,” the guy had said. “Not that he is working at all, though.”

“No, and it’s going to stay that way. Deal with it, or you can leave.”

He had been lying — half sitting — against the wall. They were in someone’s house and there was smoke all around them. It had always smelled funny to Sehun, but overtime he had simply grown accustomed to it. Didn’t matter that his clothes smelled like it when he would come home. No matter that his parents didn’t like it. Didn’t matter that not even _Sehun_ liked it. It was just a smell that now belonged to his favourite state of being.

“I don’t need to leave,” the guy had said. “I’m just worried for you, man. I think he’s going to turn out to be more trouble than you’re aware of.”

Sehun still didn’t know who this house belonged to, but that was simply what things were always like for them. Chanyeol arranged everything, and Sehun simply followed along. He was dropped onto a sofa or a bed, given a drink, and he would be as happy as a child. Then Chanyeol would proceed to talk to people about whatever it was that he did, and Sehun would zone out and forget about everything that had proven to be difficult overtime. Like the fact he had practically failed all his exams, for example, and that they probably weren’t going to let him repeat another year. He didn’t have to think about how it had upset his parents, because Chanyeol just gave him a way to pretend like none of it even existed.

That was what Chanyeol did; what he was good at.

“We’ll see…” Chanyeol had cleared his throat. “Now do you want to buy any or not?”

“Sure…”

***

“Sehun. Sehun, fuck, oh… Wake up…”

When he opened his eyes, he was still in Baekhyun’s bed, tightly pressed against him. His hands were still tied behind his back and they were still naked. He groaned quickly, but was then spurred awake by the consistent ringing of the buzzer to Baekhyun’s apartment. “What?” He muttered. “What’s that?”

“My…” Baekhyun didn’t seem willing to answer that question, and therefore frustratedly thrashed his limbs around. “Just untie me, okay? Please… Please.”

Despite his exhaustion, Sehun responded to the desperation and did as he was told. Fortunately, he didn’t have those cuffs with the keys, or else Sehun might not even remember where he had put them. Instead, he unclipped them, and put them on the bed. Baekhyun took a deep breath and spurred into action, grabbing a hold of his clothes and putting them back on again. He walked towards the door, left the room and quickly shouted: “I’ll be right there! I just woke up. Sorry, sorry…”

Sehun just sat there, not knowing what to do, while his tired mind was trying to understand what was happening.

“Who’s that?” He asked again. Baekhyun’s bedroom was very small, barely enough space for his bed, which almost made Sehun feel like he was locked up in some sort of cell for the moment. “What are you doing?”

Baekhyun had grabbed a hold of Sehun’s clothes and threw them his way. Sehun, for once, completely took the hint and went with it. “Please leave,” he then said, which honestly shocked Sehun a little. Had he done something wrong? _Ah_ , why was it so hard to reason so early in the morning? It felt like they’d barely had any sleep.

“Okay, but… Who’s that?”

“My probation officer. You need to leave.” When uttering those words, Baekhyun didn’t look at him. “You have to go. I swear to God, please go.”

The knocking persisted and Sehun looked towards it as he put himself back into his sweatpants. He wasn’t going to argue this, but that didn’t mean he knew what to do. Well, he had to leave, but why? “You’re not allowed to have people over, because of your house arrest?”

“I can’t talk about this now. Please don’t make me.” Baekhyun’s hand was in his hair, breathing heavily. He squeezed his eyes shut, displaying agonising desperation, which made Sehun get up from the bed promptly. He looked around himself, as though it was going to make him spot another exit.

“Where do I get out?”

Everything went very fast from there. Baekhyun barely said anything to him and instead guided him in the direction of his window. He pointed at the metal ladder attached to the building structure, making Sehun raise his eyebrows, before Baekhyun’s begging look simply had him do as Baekhyun requested of him. He didn’t know what was going on, but he did know that Baekhyun needed him to just listen. After all, he looked like he was about to cry; like the worst thing imaginable was about to happen to him.

Sehun was about to tell him that he would call Baekhyun, but by the time his brain had made the connection to his vocal cords, Baekhyun had already shut the window, and Sehun was already standing on the ground.

***

Sehun hadn’t always known that something about him was different. Back in the day, those things hardy mattered. He had no idea how anyone else felt, so how could he know that what _he_ felt was any different? Not that he necessarily thought he felt different now, but it was something he was told. His brain, or something, didn’t work like the brains of most other people worked. He was slower, less clever, or something, though he hadn’t ever met someone who had flat out called him stupid before. That was good, because Sehun didn’t think he was stupid. He knew things a lot of others didn’t.

Those days, with life being different, and having no one left to fall back on, those differences seemed clearer. How was it, after all, that he was struggling as much as he was? And, even more so, how was it that he didn’t have work like most other people had, and that he instead lived on a sum of government money that his mother had arranged for him. She’d called him disabled and unfit to work, and Sehun had simply bought that. After all, wouldn’t he rather be at home than be at a job he didn’t want to do? And he had been very unhappy when he’d still been forced to do school, so university wasn’t really much of a solution either.

Well, yeah, being at home had been amazing when he still had Chanyeol to hang out with, but now everything was just starting to feel lonely. He was alone most of the time, which, for someone who really _hated_ being alone, was a lot more than just a little undesirable. His days were dull, centred around seeing if there was something nice on the television, and then, when it turned out that there wasn’t, he would look on his phone for things to do. Then, when he had found something, he would end up getting sad, because every single event was centred around the _one_ thing Sehun knew he wasn’t allowed to get involved in: alcohol.

It was almost ironic that he was expected to stay sober when he had probably never been this bored and alone in his life.

“Sehun? Are you paying attention?”

He hummed, then looked at the woman at the other side of his table. He hadn’t been paying attention, but he didn’t feel like admitting to it.

It was funny, because she — his probation officer, that was — had quickly become his least favourite person in the world, and yet she was the person that he saw the most.

“I was asking whether you have had a look at the leaflets I put out for you.”

Sehun shook his head. He hadn’t. He took a sip of his coffee and looked at them, as she had put them out for him on the table again. “What are they about, again?”

“Classes, jobs, all of that. Just something to give you something to do.”

“Oh, those…” He tilted his head to the side, feeling tired. “I don’t want to do classes or jobs.”

“Right, I see,” the woman said, after which she frowned. “Are you sure? Your mother has expressed some concern. You don’t seem as lively as you used to.”

Sehun thought about that for a moment, and then laughed. “That’s because I’m not allowed to do what makes me happy anymore.”

He thought of Baekhyun at that, feeling a sting in his stomach. He hadn’t heard from him ever since he had climbed down the structure of his building. He had sent him a couple of texts, all of which had gone completely unanswered. The next step was to try calling him, even if Sehun wouldn’t know what to say to him and even if he already knew that Baekhyun probably wouldn’t pick that up either. Had his phone died or, worse, had he gotten in trouble because his officer noticed that he’d had someone over? And, besides, what would the problem with that really be? It wasn’t like someone could realistically be scrutinised for having sex, could he?

“Don’t you think it’s time to look for something else that can make you happy?”

Sehun didn’t know what to say to that, because he’d already thought he _had_ found someone— _something_ that made him happy.

He simply shrugged his shoulders instead.


	3. Relapse

If Baekhyun had been distant during the last meeting, then he was practically not in the same room with Sehun right now. He hadn’t glanced at him even once, simply looking into his lap as if he was trying to pretend that Sehun wasn’t right there with him. Sehun had tried to talk to him, even, but it had amounted to barely anything at all. He didn’t understand.

Once again, Baekhyun had chosen a seat out of his proximity. At first, Sehun had thought he would let it slide, but then something began to gnaw at him, prompting him to close the distance himself if he had to by asking the guy sitting next to Baekhyun to go sit somewhere else.

He had looked somewhat puzzled, but the longer Sehun stood there, the more the guy probably began to realise that Sehun wasn’t going to go away without getting what he wanted. He thanked him, though, politely, when he did get up to give his space to Sehun in the end, which seemed to confuse the guy even more. Sehun didn’t care. He didn’t feel good, and he wanted to be around Baekhyun, no matter the fact that Baekhyun was trying to tell him that he didn’t want to have Sehun around anymore.

“What are you doing?!” Baekhyun hissed, loud enough for Sehun to hear him, but not loud enough for anyone else to.

“I wanted to sit with you,” Sehun stated bluntly. “You never texted me back and I want to know why.”

Baekhyun fell quiet, sat back in his chair and waited for Kyuwon to start talking. Sehun’s eyes remained on him, studying his features as he frowned to himself. What could have happened? What had Sehun done to push him away? He was starting to get frustrated. “Please talk to me after this?” Sehun said, not even caring that he was speaking right over Kyuwon. “I don’t know what happened…”

The look Baekhyun threw him was not one that Sehun liked. He looked baffled, and annoyed. It felt too familiar for Sehun to enjoy seeing, as he had seen that look too often, on way too many people, in way too many unpleasant occasions. He tried not to think about that for now. Those memories were best kept for thinking about until much, much later. “Can you at least wait with talking to me until we’re done here?” he hissed. “Now isn’t the time. People are trying to share here.”

Sehun huffed, turned his head towards Kyuwon and listened to him speak. Not that anything registered, because his mind stayed with Baekhyun, and on coming up with a response that made sense to him. “Like you care…”

“Sehun,” Kyuwon smiled in his direction. Sehun knew that he was annoyed, even if he was smiling in the friendliest way he’d seen him do just yet. “Do you have something to talk about? I know you’re not one to share, but maybe you’ve changed your mind this time around?”

Sehun shook his head. Of course he didn’t have anything to talk about. He never had. He looked at Baekhyun again.

“Maybe…” He said, while throwing Baekhyun an almost cocky glance. “Maybe I do have something to talk about…”

“Sehun!” Baekhyun snapped, attracting pretty much everyone’s attention. “Please don’t. I can’t do this right now. Please let me talk about this later. Okay? _Please_.”

Kyuwon threw the both of them a frown, but then crossed his arms as if to see where this would go. That’s when Sehun realised, once again, that he hated this man, and his condescending words, and the way he looked down on people despite having been an addict some time in the past. He got up from his seat. “Can I leave now?” He said. “I can’t stand this. I don’t know what I’m doing here. You’re all saying that it’ll help, but I’ve seen no help.” His eyes shot to Baekhyun again. “From anyone!”

Kyuwon threw him the same look he always threw him, while taking a deep breath. “You’re just here to share. That’s all it is.” He paused for a moment. “But I already know that you’re not going to do that, which is why your probation officer will ultimately get a word of this. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Sehun groaned. “I don’t know what to tell you. I drink because I like it. Or, well, I used to. I drink because it feels nice. Is that really so bad?!”

He didn’t wait for a response, and simply walked out of the church space without caring that this would get him in trouble. He was already in trouble anyway and he knew that, because Baekhyun… He slammed his fist against the wall and grunted. He _really_ didn’t like what he felt like; what all of this was making him feel. It was too complicated. Way, way, _way_ too complicated.

“Sehun…?” The voice sounded familiar, and momentarily it only caused him to feel more angry. Why had it taken Baekhyun so long to get back in touch with him? “What’s the matter?”

Sehun hesitated for a moment, but then slowly began to turn his head into Baekhyun’s direction. His brows were furrowed a little, but he wore an expression of innocence. It was almost like Baekhyun had no idea what could have possibly made Sehun so upset.

“Why did you ignore me?” he asked. “What even happened at your house that morning?”

Baekhyun winced a little, and then shook his head. “It’s nothing to worry about, really.” Judging by his expression, though, even Sehun could tell that this meant that there _was_ something to worry about. “I just needed some time.”

“For what?”

“To think.” Baekhyun shrugged his shoulders a little, but then he shook his head. He seemed upset. “You know, it doesn’t matter. It’s been a rough few days, and I didn’t think it was a good idea to be in touch with you.”

“Why?” Sehun asked. If that was true, after all, he didn’t know why he was even here in the first place. “What’s so bad about hanging around me?” As the words left his mouth, another uncomfortable sting shot through his ribcage. Why did emotions have to hurt so much sometimes?

Baekhyun squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. “Would it be okay if we didn’t talk about this?” Once Baekhyun realised that Sehun was frustrated by this, he added something: “At least not here?”

“At your place, then?”

Baekhyun nodded.

“Now?”

Baekhyun looked behind him, facing the closed door behind which the meeting continued as if the two of them had never been part of it. “Yeah, now… Let’s do it now.”

***

Sehun had always thought there was something about Baekhyun’s apartment that made it comfortable to be in. It was very small, which had always made Sehun think that Baekhyun was on the poorer side, but it was nicely decorated. Not because Baekhyun had a lot of decoration lying around, but just because of the way he organised it. Everything was very neat, always spotless, and Sehun wondered whether that was because he liked living in a clean space, or because he just didn’t have anything better to do now that he was stuck here all day.

“Do you want something to drink?” Baekhyun asked. He threw Sehun a glance once he realised that Sehun might interpret his words in a certain way. “I mean, coffee, or something. Soda, maybe?”

Sehun nodded, “Something cold,” he then said. He often liked drinking cold stuff, especially something like _Sprite_ , simply because he could delude himself into thinking that it was mixed with something that would make him feel good, or at least more comfortable.

As Sehun took a seat on Baekhyun’s sofa, Baekhyun got him a glass of a clear, unidentifiable, though fizzy liquid. Sehun caught himself smiling, and then a flutter awakened inside of his stomach.

Baekhyun, however, didn’t match the smile and instead took a seat on the other side of the sofa. They weren’t close.

“Do you really need to know?” Baekhyun then asked, his voice void of anything. “Like _really_?”

Sehun, despite having momentarily forgotten why he was even here, began to nod. “It’s like I don’t know anything about you,” he said. “I realised that. My probation officer asked me to tell her about my new friend, and I didn’t know what to say.”

Baekhyun’s eyes widened. “You talked about me?” he asked. He sounded panicked, almost like this was perhaps the worst thing Sehun could have ever done. “What did you say?”

Sehun shrugged, unfazed by any of what he was seeing on Baekhyun. He knew, after all, that he hadn’t done anything wrong. “I said nothing. I don’t really talk to her much. I only answer her questions, when I know them.”

“So you didn’t tell her anything about what we get up to?”

Sehun shook his head. “She didn’t ask.”

Baekhyun looked relieved, which confused Sehun a little. “Would it have been bad for her to know? What does it matter?”

Baekhyun looked away from him, in the direction of Sehun’s glass. He looked there too, watching the fizzy bubbles travelling up to the surface, until he realised how easy it was to get distracted by such a thing. He reached forward then, grabbed a hold of it and took a sip. It _was_ Sprite.

“Sehun…” Baekhyun was looking at him now, throwing him a pained glance. Suddenly, he looked even smaller than he normally already did. “I think I can tell you, but you have to know that it’s just not what it sounds like. I think it’s because it sounds so suspicious, but no one ever believes me, but I have a feeling that maybe you might.”

Sehun nodded with agreement. After all, he had never gotten a reason not to believe Baekhyun. “You can tell me,” he said, encouragingly.

“The reason I am wearing this…” He kicked his leg up, because of which Sehun realised that he was speaking about the ankle strap, “...is because they’ve got me down as a sex addict.”

“What?” Sehun’s response was immediate. Not because it was unbelievable, but because… “They can’t arrest you for having too much sex, can they?”

“Well, no, but they can’t arrest you for drinking too much either.” He sounded defensive.

“I guess not, but…” He shook his head, stopping himself from getting distracted. Besides, whatever it was he was about to say, was not something Sehun really wanted to talk about either. “What do you mean? Does that mean you aren’t a sex addict?”

Baekhyun shrugged. It wouldn’t surprise Sehun if he felt a little embarrassed. “It’s different. It’s not about the sex, it’s… I don’t know.” He shrugged his shoulders once more, until it began to look like a motion he couldn’t stop repeating, over and over again. “I just like being needed, and feeling it, and, yeah _it_ does really help me, but it’s not an addiction. It’s just something I like to do, but not something I can’t go without, even though I love to make it seem like that.”

“Like all the begging you do, hm?”

“Yeah, like the begging,” Baekhyun confirmed. He squeezed his eyes shut, his nostrils flaring a little as he breathed heavily. It was clear that Baekhyun really didn’t seem to be in the mood for a conversation like this. Maybe he never really was, just like Sehun.

“I still don’t understand,” Sehun admitted. He had trouble putting two and two together. “Did the probation officer notice that you had someone over? Is that why you ignored me?”

“It’s not that…” Baekhyun let out a deep breath and opened his eyes again. Then he shook his head a little, to himself, and clenched his hands to fists. He mouthed something to himself, like some words of encouragement, and then threw Sehun another serious glance. “It reminded me of the fact that… well, she _could_ find out. You know? I got scared. I got scared of many things, actually.” When Baekhyun looked at him next, he looked like a puppy. So sad, and so small because of it. “At first, Sehun, I just thought you were hot. I just wanted you, and I also… I don’t know, I thought having someone to fuck might be good for us both, even though I’m not _technically_ supposed to do this, but now… I don’t know. I suppose I like you, but…” Baekhyun couldn’t finish that sentence, as instead his breathing came out shaky. Strange noises escaped his throat.

“I like you too, though,” Sehun stated simply. He scooted a little closer, until his thigh touched Baekhyun’s. “But… If you’re addicted to sex, doesn’t that mean you _shouldn’t_ be having sex with me?”

“But I’m not!” He sounded defensive. “It’s stupid. I’m not. And they can’t even get me in trouble just for fucking, because I’m pretty sure that’s illegal, but I know that…” Behind his eyes, Sehun could see the tears welling up, and his bottom lip quivered a little. He wiped at his eyes, desperate, apparently, not to actually cry. “What they have done to me is unfair. They didn’t listen. They didn’t see that…”

“Baekhyun,” Sehun said. He grabbed a hold of Baekhyun’s hand, which only clenched to a fist in his grip. He breathed even more heavily, as if he was panicking. “What happened?”

Another wail left Baekhyun’s mouth. He was silent for another moment, and Sehun waited for him to speak. “I was caught getting fucked in public by a homophobic fucking _cunt_ of an officer,” he then admitted. “But it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t, at all…” Baekhyun shook his head. “I had a boyfriend, kind of. Only… I don’t even know why I was with him. He wasn’t nice. He… It was his idea, but even more so than that… He didn’t leave me with much of a choice. We were out on a walk, just… I don’t know, he had been in a mood all evening, and then all of a sudden we’re on a playground and I’m naked and he’s behind me, and... then…”

“Then you were caught?”

Baekhyun nodded. The look in Baekhyun’s eyes changed yet another time, almost as though he was seeking for understanding. Sehun couldn’t give that to him. Unfortunately, he didn’t know how to ‘read between the lines’, or whatever that meant. “I was caught, yeah.” Another pause. “But it wasn’t the first time. It’s happened before, coincidentally with someone else. I suppose that’s why they no longer believed, this time, that this wasn’t my idea.”

Sehun was silent. He was taught in the beginning that people often lied about their addictions, and the reasons for which they did certain things, even if Sehun had never done that himself. He didn’t even know he was addicted to alcohol until they’d told him, but he had never lied about the excessiveness of his intake. Baekhyun now _was_ , if Sehun had to go by what all of the officers and therapists had said, but Sehun wasn’t sure if he believed that. Baekhyun looked distraught, and Sehun knew how terrible it could be not to be believed. He might have pleased all of those officers, and they certainly had believed every word of what Sehun had said, but… He swallowed.

“Okay,” he then said. What did they call this again? The benefit of the doubt, or something. “So…” But he didn’t know what he was going to ask.

“So I didn’t want them to know I was fucking someone again,” Baekhyun said. “I freaked out. They can’t legally stop me from having sex, but they have their opinions, and they can state that I’m not taking my rehabilitation seriously, and then I don’t know how much longer it’s going to be until I can get this _fucking_ ankle strap removed.”

Sehun hummed, but then looked at his own folded hands in his lap. “I didn’t like it,” he said honestly. “I don’t like being left alone.”

Baekhyun stared at him, looking taken aback. It was the type of look people threw Sehun right before they were going to misinterpret his words. The stupid thing about that was that Sehun often had no idea how to say the right things that _would_ be interpreted correctly.

“Do you understand why it happened, though? I mean…”

Sehun shrugged, but then nodded. “Yeah, but I don’t understand why you couldn’t have just told me. I thought for a few days that something had happened. That maybe you’d gone to rehab or prison, and I didn’t even know.”

Now, Baekhyun _did_ actually look kind of guilty. “Sorry, yeah… I can see why… yeah.”

“Yeah…”

“But… It’s not easy to tell people. They’re never going to believe me, and you… You have even less reason to believe me because we’ve fucked like crazy, haven’t we? And I’ve been begging for it, and I _love_ it, but it’s not like we’ve done it every day either. I just… I love it, but…”

“But you don’t need it?”

“No, I don’t need it…”

It was Sehun, then, who closed the distance between them. He scooted towards him on the sofa and placed his hand on Baekhyun’s thigh. He rubbed it there, slowly up and down. “Are you sure?” Sehun asked, teasing him a little. It was strange how he could be so confused about everything but then, the second sex got involved, he suddenly knew all about everything again. He knew how this worked. I knew it very, _very_ well. “Are you sure you don’t need it?”

Baekhyun’s breath hitched, which Sehun knew was an indication that he was getting aroused. He was getting pretty aroused himself now, too, but that wasn’t why he was doing this. It seemed too weird, after a confession like that.

“Are you testing me?” Baekhyun’s hand landed on top of Sehun’s. He gripped his small fingers around Sehun’s and made him stop his rubbing. “Because you know I want to say that I _do_ need it. Right now… At least…”

“I’m testing you,” Sehun said. He twisted towards Baekhyun even more and grabbed a hold of the other’s face with his other hand. “So, are you sure you don’t need it?”

Baekhyun pursed his lips and squeezed his eyes shut. He was breathing heavily and Sehun was pretty sure that his arousal was probably already twitching in his pants. “Yeah…” Baekhyun hissed. “I’m sure I don’t need it, but…” Sehun’s hand then snaked itself to Baekhun’s inner thigh, which he knew would be even more sensitive. “I want it, though…”

“Hmm,” Sehun hummed. He didn’t do anything more with his hand, but he did close the distance between them, pressing his lips softly against Baekhyun’s for a soft, long, though gentle kiss.

Even though his cock was straining against the material of his underwear, he got up from the sofa after that, downed his glass of sprite in one go and stepped towards the door. “I think I’ll be heading out.”

“What…?”

Sehun threw him a smile over his shoulder as he grabbed the door handle. “Can I stop by on Thursday?”

“Sehun!” Baekhyun groaned, but behind all that desperation, Sehun could see some genuine enjoyment. “You can’t just leave me like this…”

“I will, though. Can I see you Thursday?”

“You’re such a…. Such…”

“So, Thursday?”

Baekhyun’s fists collided with his own thighs and he groaned frustratedly. “Yeah… Thursday.”

***

Sehun had never visited, and therefore he didn’t know much about the etiquettes. He didn’t even know where the entrance was, as the place was surrounded by fences with barbed wire in bunches near the top. There were some gaps, long paths leading up to doors and entrances, but Sehun had no idea what the right one was until he stopped in front of a building with a large, old sign that said: SM Correctional Institute.

Sehun didn’t know what that meant until he realised that this was nothing but a fancy word for prison.

He swallowed to himself as the idea of it started to weigh at him again, churning his stomach. This was prison. A real prison. He didn’t know what his mother would say if she knew that he had come here, but he supposed he would only tell her after the visit was over. If he’d have told her earlier, she would certainly have tried to stop him.

When he arrived, there was a form he had to fill in, and then another. He was led through a detector thing — the type they also had in airports — and he was instructed that he couldn’t take his phone in. It annoyed him a little, as going in for a prison visit apparently involved a whole lot of waiting. At first inside of an ugly tiled waiting room, in front of a reception desk, along with a whole lot of other visitors, and then at a table inside of the visiting room. He was a bit nervous now, and it was hard to know how to calm those feelings. Normally he’d just play a game, but he couldn’t do that now. It made him feel… bad.

He didn’t know how much time had passed when he finally appeared. When he did, Sehun got up from his seat and waited. There seemed to be a lot of distance between them still, and therefore he didn’t say anything yet. He looked different, though, as his hair had grown a little. It looked good, but, then again, he always looked good.

“You came,” Chanyeol said, while he sat down on his seat. Sehun had watched the guards unlock him from his handcuffs and Sehun had swallowed, thinking about Baekhyun, who he was meant to see again tomorrow. “I didn’t know if you would…”

Sehun nodded and then sat down too. Chanyeol leaned back in his seat and tried his best to make everything seem normal, but it wasn’t really. That was clear now. “Yeah, I wanted to come from the start.”

Chanyeol nodded, and then took a deep breath. “I know, but… It wasn’t a good idea back then.”

“And it’s a good idea now?”

Chanyeol shook his head and sat up a little bit straighter. It was strange to imagine that they used to spend their time together all the time and that this was the way they interacted now. Sehun wished it wasn’t like that, but Chanyeol had made it more than clear that the pair of them weren’t friends anymore. Sehun wasn’t sure what to think about it, as—

“I just thought it was a good idea for us to talk things through,” he said. “I follow therapy now, you know, they say I need closure, and that I need to get it from you.”

“Okay,” Sehun stated flatly, not knowing what it meant at all. “That’s not what therapists say to me. They’d say that coming here would get me on the ‘wrong path’ again. I don’t even know what that means.”

Sehun laughed a little, as he had just attempted to make a joke, but it was clear that it didn’t really land at all. “It’s probably a different kind of therapy,” he stated instead. “Mine is about forgiveness, and stuff like that, and acceptance.”

His stomach churned again. “I see. Mine is just about quitting alcohol. I haven’t drank anything in months, you know?”

“That’s probably for the best.”

Sehun nodded. It was something everyone said, and he had to admit that things were starting to get a little better. Not better than they had ever been, of course, but that had everything to do with the fact that Chanyeol wasn’t with him anymore. That would at least be another six years or so— or was it twelve? “Yeah…”

“I blamed you a lot, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“But I think… No, I don’t know. I don’t know what happened, but I think I know you didn’t want me to end up here.”

Sehun shook his head. “I didn’t, I don’t… But I told you, right? I was too drunk to realise that you were doing something illegal. I didn’t know that I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. It makes sense now, but it didn’t then.”

Sehun had told Chanyeol all of this, countless times, but Chanyeol had never believed him before. He hadn’t ever realised that Sehun truly _was_ too drunk to consider that the ‘stuff’ Chanyeol was passing on between parties was in exchange for money, nor did he realise that it was drugs. He did now, of course, but not at the time. He knew Chanyeol did it, as he had offered to Sehun on multiple occasions, but the selling… that was news to him. In fact, it was only when Sehun found himself in an interrogation room — he didn’t even know how he had ended up there in the first place; that’s how drunk he had been — that the pieces finally clicked. By then, however, it was too late. He had already told those cops everything they needed to know, and not even Sehun’s attempts of explaining to them that Chanyeol was a good man were enough to get him out of his inevitable demise.

They caught him barely a week later, no matter the fact that Sehun had tried to tell Chanyeol to stay away and hide. It’d not been enough. It was way too easy for those people to find someone if they really wanted to.

“Yeah, I… I think I know that now.” He looked apologetic.

Sehun’s breath hitched, which he hadn’t expected, but he supposed that was because he hadn’t quite expected this answer either. Chanyeol had shouted at him, called him all sorts of terrible things, and Sehun had not known what to say to any of it. It had been rough. Very rough. Sehun hadn’t known what to do up until he’d met Baekhyun, considering he hadn’t had any friends left at that point. “You mean you’re not mad anymore?”

“I am mad,” Chanyeol said. His teeth gritted. That was a new thing, Sehun supposed, as he had never seen Chanyeol do such a thing before. “I just don’t know if I’m mad at you.”

“You’re not?”

“No, not really…”

Sehun dared to smile and things started to feel a little familiar now. Nothing like they used to, though, but at least he could feel the fear he felt towards his friend diminishing a little bit again. “Does that mean you won’t call me stupid anymore?”

“Well…” Chanyeol matched his smile, making Sehun laugh a little. Chanyeol had always called Sehun stupid, but it’d not become an insult until Sehun had warned him against the cops over the phone. He could still hear it clearly, those cutting words: ‘ _Sehun, you fucking moron! What the hell did you do?!_ ’ followed by a shaky breath that even Sehun could tell was filled with desperation and despair. “I think I’ve got more right to do that now than ever before.”

Sehun nodded in agreement. It was hard to realise that he was the reason Chanyeol was sitting here in the first place, but at least things were starting to feel a little less… dreadful. They’d sucked intensely over the past couple of months, and Sehun hadn’t thought Chanyeol would _ever_ come to forgive him. “Can I come visit you more regularly now?” He asked, expression hopeful. “I know this is my fault, all this, and... It looks kind of gross here, actually, so… I’m—”

“No,” Chanyeol said, interrupting him. Sehun frowned, pursed his lips, and then looked down at the table. “No, I mean…” And Sehun looked up again. “I guess what I need to tell you is not to be sorry, because it wasn’t _you_ who did something wrong. It was me. I chose to sell all that stuff and I chose to involve you in it even though you were clearly never aware of what I was actually doing. Listen, I’ve been thinking a lot, okay, and I think I can even tell you that… everything back in the day was my fault too. You were too young to start drinking, but, then again, I was also too young to know that I shouldn’t have been giving all that stuff to you. So, no… I think, if anything, I should say sorry, or something, for getting you in trouble and… I guess… Abandoning you.”

Sehun had not expected to ever hear those words coming from his mouth. From the very first moment, he had realised that Sehun was the one who had done something wrong by ratting Chanyeol out, but that was all starting to change now. He felt different, like things were starting to make sense now. It had been so difficult, after all, to feel sorry for something he never even knew was going on in the first place. “It’s okay,” he therefore said. “I’m not mad at you. I just want to be friends again. Stuff sucked without you, you know?”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol admitted. It was then that he reached his hand out over the table and placed it on top of Sehun’s. Sehun looked up at him and smiled. Chanyeol’s hand felt the way he remembered. “It did suck, especially while being locked behind bars. I should’ve just let you come earlier, because, yeah… It’s been hard.”

Sehun could imagine. His probation officer had told him more than enough about prison for Sehun to know that it _really_ wasn’t a good place to be. “I can come every week now, if they let me.” Perhaps, Sehun thought, he could make things a little easier. “Would you like that?”

Chanyeol nodded. His eyes looked a little similar to how they had done back when he was still out in the open. It was just that the sparkle wouldn’t make it all the way in, but Sehun supposed it would at least be another six years before that would get to happen.

“Yeah,” he said. “I’d like that.”


	4. Sobriety

It had been a while since they had last done this, but now Baekhyun was underneath him again. Sehun was on top, naked and in between Baekhyun’s legs. He had his wrists pinned down and he looked down at him with a deep smirk in his eyes. Baekhyun looked helpless and needy, desperately pushing his body up into Sehun’s.

“Come on,” he begged. “Please… I’ve waited way too fucking long for you to just not give me anything.”

Sehun knew it was true. They had waited a very long time for things to settle a little bit. It hadn’t been Sehun’s idea, but Baekhyun’s. He wanted to be believed, and the only way he was going to achieve that was by proving to Sehun that he _could_ live without sex, but that he just preferred — Baekhyun’s words, not Sehun’s — to be a greedy slut. Sehun had frowned at the idea of not having sex with Baekhyun for the coming few weeks, but then he’d nodded with agreement. After all… He had wanted to find a friend in Baekhyun just as badly as he had wanted to fuck him.

So the few weeks that followed didn’t involve any sex. They involved talking, _sharing_. Sehun would stay over sometimes and Baekhyun would lay on top of his chest talking about all those times he had been fucked over just for being needy and Sehun would listen to him, surprisingly enough without drifting off, and play with his hair until he had said everything that needed to be said.

Sometimes, Baekhyun would ask Sehun about everything too and, although Sehun never liked to talk about everything that had happened with Chanyeol, he didn’t find it as hard to do it with Baekhyun. Baekhyun didn’t talk over him or disagree with him. He just listened, as Sehun told him exactly how everything was. He also believed Sehun when he said that Chanyeol wasn’t a bad person, and that what he was in prison for was just because he had made a couple of stupid decisions without having been careful and Baekhyun, unlike everything else — his parents, his therapists, his probation officer — had agreed with him.

“Sometimes,” Baekhyun had said. “Sometimes the way things seem from the outside just don’t represent what they actually are. They can’t tell you what kind of Chanyeol is, when they don’t even know him. You do, and you feel what you feel. So, if you want to go visit him every other week, when you can, then you should. Anyone deserves a friend, right?”

“Yeah…” And Sehun had smiled. Happy, for once, to just be understood.

When everything had been said and done, and Baekhyun had told him about every person that had ever treated him like shit, their period of abstinence had ended. Sehun had vowed to himself that he would undo all of those experiences somehow, just like he had already done to Baekhyun’s experience with handcuffs. He’d taken it, albeit unknowingly at the time, and turned it into something sexy. He would do that with everything. All of it.

So now he was on top of Baekhyun again and he was looking down at him squirming. He wasn’t saying anything, completely disregarding all of his needs, until he was suddenly smirking. “Needy,” he said. His cock was hard and leaking, pressed against Baekhyun’s skin so he could feel it, and long for it. “Such a slut.”

Baekhyun gasped, his eyes shooting open. Sehun wasn’t sure whether that word hurt him in any way, but if it did, he would change it and turn it into something sexy. Baekhyun’s lips parted, but no words came out, then he closed them again and tried to forget that Sehun had ever said anything. Well, that only prompted Sehun to continue.

“Please, come on,” Baekhyun uttered. “Just… Get the fuck in me, oh my God.”

And it was becoming harder and harder for Sehun not to do anything too, but he had a lot more stamina and determination. He really did want it, but he wanted Baekhyun to succumb to him even more. “Tell me you’re a slut and I will.”

Baekhyun pursed his lips and pushed himself upwards again. His facial expression was a little pained, but then it began to relax. “I’m a slut,” he obeyed.

Sehun reached between Baekhyun’s legs and pressed a finger against his entrance. His hole had already been lubed up, ready to be penetrated. Baekhyun whined loudly, proving that this certainly wasn’t going to be enough for him. Sehun didn’t care, though. All of this was going to move at the pace he liked the most. He pushed his finger inside of him. “Tell me again and I’ll add another.”

“Fuck…” Baekhyun hissed.

“And with more confidence this time.”

“I’m a slut.” He didn’t seem happy to be humiliated, but the thrill was clearly starting to grow on him. “Please give it to me.”

He did as he had promised, adding another finger to stretch him open. Baekhyun began to whine, and in his expression Sehun could see that he was longing for his cock as much as Sehun longed to be inside of him. “Keep telling me until I think you deserve it.”

“ _Sehun_!” Baekhyun exclaimed, becoming frustrated now. “Fucking _give_ it to me.”

He hummed, then shook his head. “You know what you have to do.”

“I’m a slut,” he repeated. “And I need you. Okay?”

“You’re a what?”

“Goddamnit! A _slut_. I’m a _slut_. A needy, _filthy_ goddamn slut. Is that enough for you? Is that enough for you to fu—”

Sehun’s mouth crashed against Baekhyun’s, lips firmly connected. He groaned into it, the words shooting through his body, down to his cock. He was so turned on and he didn’t know how much longer he was going to be able to handle this. He needed to feel Baekhyun around him; he needed proof of how much of a slut Baekhyun actually was.

He yanked his fingers out and grabbed a hold of himself. His cock, already slick with a mixture of lube and his own pre-cum, moved to Baekhyun’s needy hole. He could feel it pulsating against his tip, making him groan into the kiss. He opened his mouth, meeting Baekhyun’s tongue with his own and then, as Baekhyun licked up into his, he finally pushed all the way inside of him.

The noise Baekhyun let out crashed through his entire being. It was more desperate and needy than Sehun had ever heard him do before and it felt amazing. It made his heart beat faster and his stomach flutter. It also, somewhere deep down, made him a little aggressive, but he knew that aggression only existed out of need, desperation and desire. He had missed this. He had missed this more, even, than he had ever missed the taste of liquor on his tongue; more than the sensation of being completely off his mind; more, of course, than waking up to the sensation of death the morning after. This was good. This was amazing. This was Baekhyun, and Sehun loved…

His eyes shot open wide and he looked down at Baekhyun, spread out underneath him and stuck in an incredible bliss. He looked beautiful like that.

“Baekhyun?” He stopped moving. The emotion was so intense that he couldn’t just go on without saying anything. That didn’t often happen, which was exactly why it was so important to pay attention to it right away.

“Oh fuck,” Baekhyun looked frustrated, which Sehun only liked more. “Fuck… What?”

Sehun swallowed, his heart beating rapidly, until he suddenly shook his head. “I’ll… Uhm…”

“Please just tell me?”

“I love…” He thrust inside of him again, almost as he was doing it out of impulse. “You…”

“Shut up,” Baekhyun said. He was silent after that, his eyes wide as he looked at Sehun. He shook his head, groaning to himself. “Out of all possible moments you could have chosen to say that, you chose now?”

Sehun shrugged, expression a little more blank. “I felt it now, so I told you now.”

“If I was any other person, I would assume you would only be telling me that because you’ve got your buried inside of me, but…” Baekhyun groaned. “I believe it, and…”

Sehun waited patiently for the words to be returned to him, but instead Baekhyun looked like he was stuck in thought. “I’ll tell you,” Baekhyun said, a smirk adorning his lips. “But you’re going to have to fuck me first, or I’ll lose my mind.”

“You promise you’ll say it, right?” Sehun checked. “I’m not doing it otherwise.”

“Now that’s just manipulation.”

Sehun shrugged, but it was becoming increasingly hard not to fuck Baekhyun into oblivion. “Maybe it is.”

“Fuck, Sehun,” Baekhyun sighed. “I love you.”

After those words had escaped his lips, Baekhyun almost looked shocked, as if he really hadn’t meant to say them just yet. Sehun smirked to himself, realising that his words had done something to Baekhyun that had made the words simply slip. “Good. I’m glad.”

“Good,” Baekhyun whined. “So now fuck me.”

As Sehun began to move, he looked down at Baekhyun, realising that no matter how nonsensical that court ordered group therapy might have been, and how counterproductive it was for him, he was glad that he had been sent there. In the end, all he had needed was someone who understood him, who could make him talk about things by asking the right questions, and sometimes understood him without even having to ask anything at all. He was glad that he had somewhere, _someone_ , he could be with without being judged somehow. That was nice. That was perfect.

Next time they’d go, Sehun thought, he’d have Baekhyun help him come up with something to say. He’d finally share, and so he’d finally find a way to get the fuck out of there.

He looked at Baekhyun then, who was blissfully enjoying each and every thrust inside of him, and Sehun wondered whether he’d be able to do the same for him.

He hoped so. 


End file.
